Monday, February 23, 2009

Who am I?

That is a question I have been asking myself a lot lately. I have been asking God again and again who I am. Why I am the way I am. Why I look the way I do. I keep hearing over and over that it is because He loves me. "I love you baby. You are perfect." Yet all I see is weakness and flaws. The tears well and want to fall.

Who am I?
The tears brim on the edge
of spilling over into
a heart that can't hold anymore.
Not knowing who I am and
why I am the way I am.
Not knowing what path You are
having me to walk down I
stop out of fear.
I hesitate to take the next step
and fight it as much as
I can but I am now tired.
I can't keep fighting against it.
Against the healing.
Against the pain.
Against the hurt.
Against the tears.
Against the new beginning.

Who am I?
I am weak.
I am human.
I cry, I ache and I break.
Breaking in to pieces I am afraid
I won't be able to be put back together again.
I see one set of footprints
and it is because You are carrying me.

Who am I?
I am a vulnerable daughter.
I am reliant on My Maker.
I have a heart wanting Him more.
I am a daughter saved by Grace.
Engulfed and wrapped in Your
forever loving mercy.

I am yours.
I am loved.
I am free.

I am not sure if that makes sense as the tears fall. I ache but I want to rely and lean on God so badly. I pray it and cry it out over and over and over. I need to let go of the feelings of the world and trust that God will NOT leave me. He will NEVER forsake me. He loves me just the way I am. Hurt, vulnerable, scared, lonely and real. He takes me as I am. He won't leave me. Praise God.

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