"I am not giving you all this"

A moment in my life when I felt to overwhelmed I heard those little words.
I was putting so much on my plate and bombarding myself with so much responsibility. I have to do this, I have to do that. I need to do it all now. While talking through it and saying that I don't know why God wants me to deal with it all right now at this particular moment. I heard it. Like a whisper that just got louder and louder. Until there was no mistaking what was said. Was it my thoughts? I don't believe so, cause I was already telling myself that I had to fix it all. I had to deal with it all at that moment. Then He told me not to. That it wasn't what He wanted me to deal with.
Being afraid that I am pushing God away lately. Yet I am told that He can't be pushed away. That He stands firm. Scared that I was ignoring Him. Told that I am not. That I am growing.
I struggle to keep him in the forefront of my mind some days. At work the only thing that keeps me going is knowing that I can sing to Him and worship Him all I want. My whole shift. Struggling to be the light that He wants me to be. Being told that I am. I can't see it. Why???
He is not giving this all to me. I am. I am putting the burden on my soul. I am putting myself through the stress. He is there waiting for me to take the deep breath to calm myself and turn fully back to Him. I am so glad that He holds me. That He can't be pushed away and that although I feel like I am doing just that I will be ok. I just need to look to Him. Sometimes He comes through the voice of someone else. But in those moments I hear it. I understand it.
He's not giving me all this. Neither should I.