Saturday, January 20, 2007

Last night

was fun. Went to a stamp party with a few close friends. I loved the fellowship. It was nice to get away from the baby. I love him whole heartedly but it is the times when I am away from him, even when I know he is sleeping, that make me appreciate him so much more.
The hostess said to me, I remember the first time I met you. You got so frustrated and confused with this whole thing that you got up and walked out.
She has told me this before, almost every time I am at one of those. I feel bad every time. I didn't remember doing that. She is a sweet lady. Michelle proceeded to say, yeah I remember that and I remember saying, ok Misty see you later. Michelle said that she knew that was just me. That is what I did.
Geeee.......great........Nice to be known for that. Walking away when things get tough. Makes me feel about this (pinching fingers close together) big. I never realized I was that bad and I am embarased that I was and am. I don't really walk away as much now. I just try to tough it out and figure it out step by step. In any situation. My defense is to run. You know the saying, flight or fight? Yeah I am the one who takes to flight.
Although now I would like to pretend that I am not that bad. That I have come a long way. In my mind and in my nieve little world I have. I try to stick things out. I try to do the best I can. Yeah I still want to hide sometimes. I still want to run and the fight to stay is hard. I try so hard. I hope that I won't be remembered as the one who ran away cause she got too frustrated. I don't want to be that person. I want to be the one who stuck it through to the best of her ability.
I guess I have a lot of work to do. However, like I said, I would like to think I have come further then that now.
I love when she recalls that memory but inside I am so embarased and ashamed of that person. Maybe one day she will say how much I have changed. LOL. One can hope. She really is a neat and fun person. Just sucks that I gave a terrible first impression. Just goes to show that those first impressions last a life time. That was years and years ago. What are you doing to leave your first impression? Time for me to change.


sue said...

It's funny cause in the time that I have known you I wouldn't have described you that way. You had made significant changes before I had even met you.

Michelle said...

Didn't mean to make you feel bad!

You just got overwhelmed and couldn't make any decisions. Then you were done and left. The indecisivness was fairly common. It wasn't walking away from something tough.

I don't think you go through life like that, you don't run from anything important. I think you've come a long way.