Monday, November 10, 2008

Small still voice

Comes from my son a lot of the time and it is such a wonderful gift and blessing.

I think sometimes that I can't hear God. Yet in actuality I think He is talking to me through my son.

Cooper knows just the right words to say to make me feel better, to calm my heart, to slow me down. The small still voice that I read about and hear about comes out of the mouth of my 2.5 year old.

Then at church we worshiped to "I need to be still". I found myself dropping to my knees. Head in my hands letting the tears fall. Although I am not fully ready to discuss things just yet I felt an easing of my soul. I let the tears fall. I let myself feel. Know what I felt? GOD!!!

I felt an arm around me and I even opened my eyes to look. There was no one there. Was it God?

"yes child, I was there. I am there. Holding you when you cry and drying those eyes"

I feel so weak when I cry. Vulnerable. Foolish. Scared.

"When you are weak I am strong."

Don't leave me God!

"I never have and I never will. I am God, you will never disappoint me, you will always be my love and the one I choose to dance with. I will hold your hands, I will hold you while you cry, sing, dance and laugh. You just have to let me."

I am trying God, I really am.

"I know you are baby. I am proud of you. You can do this. I am here, I send people who can help and I love that you listen to their voices. You are listening to me. From the youngest person you love to the newest friend, the newest trust. You are hearing me. You are stopping to listen and I am proud of you."

Thank you God.......Thank you......

Hold me as I cry, hold me as I smile. Keep me warm.

"I always will"

Things are up and down as they are for most people and I am finding myself being able to cope a little better then I used to be. I find that the anger and the jumping at the littlest things is less. Funny how the more God is there, the more I let myself run to Him and the more I learn about Him, the better I can tolerate things.
It is a learning game. I over think. I over analyze. I hurt easily. Thankfully He is as simple as just BEING GOD.

not sure if any of this makes sense.....just things that came to my mind today.


wilsonian said...

It sounds like you're in a great place.

Miss-buggy said...

you are right....I am getting there...