Sunday, May 29, 2005


Today I watched a friend stand up for herself and I was very impressed. I just can't seem to do that.
I will stand up for my friends and the people I love in a heart beat, without hesitation but for some reason I don't do it for myself. On one hand I can't stand up for myself and on the other I can run myself down before anyone else even thinks of an insult. I don't even think about it, I just run myself down and I do it before anyone else can hurt me. It is just better that way. If I run myself down before someone else gets the chance then it won't hurt as bad. I am always intimidated to stand up for myself. I stand up for what I believe in but I won't stand up to someone who makes me, myself, look or feel inferior. I don't know why.
Today though I watched my friend take a stand. She didn't let this person push her around or make her feel belittled or useless. I wished so that I could do that. I wish that I had the backbone to stand up to someone that made me feel stupid. I am not saying wether or not she felt stupid, but just to be able to stand up to someone is something I would love to be able to do. To stand up for myself so that I wasn't the one getting hurt. I guess when you are so used to being hurt it is expected. Why bother arguing? I will be the one to loose in the long run. So I just "whatever" the situation and walk away rather stating my opinion. But, if you insult someone I love watch out. I will protect them to the ends of the earth.
I have a great respect for my friend, but today just made me even more proud of her. She had the strength to do what I couldn't. I can only hope that one day I can be like that. One day I can be as impressed with my ability to stand up for myself as I was with her. One day....

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