Monday, May 30, 2005

Not so patiently waiting

I long to know what is in my future. There are certain things I want to do but I wonder when it will all happen. When to buy a house, have a family or even get a new vehicle.
My husband and I have pretty much the same ideas of what we would like to see happen with our lives in the next few years. Yet there is nothing we can really do. God knows best.
I just wish that there was some way that He would give us a hint of what He has in store for us. I wait to find out but I am finding myself getting impatient. Just give me a sign. It just isn't that easy.
I know there is no need to worry because He has our best interests in His plans. He knows what we can handle. But sorry folks, I am only human. I worry, I stress and I grow impatient.
How do you learn to fully put it in God's hands? How do you just trust that what to come is worth the wait? Can't He just give me a sign?
Then it starts to make me wonder. Maybe He has given me a sign but I am just too darn impatient and restless to hear it. I am too stubborn to see it His way and that it has to be done MY way or not at all. I guess this is where God must think, well then not at all.
I have so much learning to do. I am so thankful for those that are patient with me and I hope they know who they are. So impatiently I wait and wait. Knowing that something will be revealed soon. RIGHT?????

Sunday, May 29, 2005


Today I watched a friend stand up for herself and I was very impressed. I just can't seem to do that.
I will stand up for my friends and the people I love in a heart beat, without hesitation but for some reason I don't do it for myself. On one hand I can't stand up for myself and on the other I can run myself down before anyone else even thinks of an insult. I don't even think about it, I just run myself down and I do it before anyone else can hurt me. It is just better that way. If I run myself down before someone else gets the chance then it won't hurt as bad. I am always intimidated to stand up for myself. I stand up for what I believe in but I won't stand up to someone who makes me, myself, look or feel inferior. I don't know why.
Today though I watched my friend take a stand. She didn't let this person push her around or make her feel belittled or useless. I wished so that I could do that. I wish that I had the backbone to stand up to someone that made me feel stupid. I am not saying wether or not she felt stupid, but just to be able to stand up to someone is something I would love to be able to do. To stand up for myself so that I wasn't the one getting hurt. I guess when you are so used to being hurt it is expected. Why bother arguing? I will be the one to loose in the long run. So I just "whatever" the situation and walk away rather stating my opinion. But, if you insult someone I love watch out. I will protect them to the ends of the earth.
I have a great respect for my friend, but today just made me even more proud of her. She had the strength to do what I couldn't. I can only hope that one day I can be like that. One day I can be as impressed with my ability to stand up for myself as I was with her. One day....

Friday, May 27, 2005


Last night I got into bed at about midnight only to get up and call the health nurse for Phil. To me it sounded like he was having an allergic reaction to the drug Sudafed. His arms and legs were going numb. So after she asked a million questions we were told to go to emergency and to actually call an ambulance to pick him up. We opted out of the ambulance thing - expensive and it wasn't all that big of an emergency to him. So early morning trip to the hospital. While in there I noticed a harsh reality. People really don't care.
They are just there to do their job and even that seems tough to them. I am a caring person and I found it tough the way they just brushed things off.
There was a little girl who came in for that really bad cold going around. The doctor wanted to put a face mask on her and give her some medication through it. He told the mom that they were going to give her some air. The mom and the little girl didn't know what that was. I had volunteered in the hospital as a candy striper so I had seen this done before. So I told them what I thought the doctor was going to give her. I was right.
So the nurse came in, still didn't explain anything to her and put on the mask and turned it on. The little girl started to panic. The mom jumped up next to her and was telling her it would be ok. The nurse didn't reassure her or anything. She just walked out. The mom sat back down once her daughter calmed down, but the kid was breathing so fast that she would have hyperventilated herself. I told her to calm down, that it was ok and to take slow breaths. Just like when you normally breathed. I talked her through it and she calmed down. Then I kept telling her how good of a job she was doing.
I was just so offended with the way the nurse didn't respond. Do they not care? They are just too busy? I think though that when someone is scared that is when you need to take the extra time to reassure them. When did they loose the passion for the job? Makes me wonder if they really are happy or not.
The doctor that dealt with Phil didn't tell him what kind of tests they were going to do, just started them. Sent him for xrays and took his blood. It would have been nice to know what was going on. So he was told that all his tests results were ok and the xray came back clear and that they would send him home. I said, whoa. What was going on then? He said it could have been an allergic reaction to the medication. So I asked if we need to be careful when he takes medicines with the same ingredients in it. He said yes. I couldn't help but feel like we were taking up too much of his time but I didn't care.
So, we got home and into bed at 3:30. My husband is such a trooper and one of the most dedicated caring people I know. He got up and left for work at 5:30. I told him to get back into bed and he said that it wouldn't be fair to leave his boss stranded. I told him that he needs to take care of himself. But he persisted on going to work to do his job so that he wouldn't put his boss out. Amazing. I can learn a lot from him and so can others. He is ok and he feels better. What a trooper.
It just amazes me how many people out there have seemed to of lost that caring ability. That just seem to not care anymore and just do their job because they have to and make us feel like we are wasting their time. It is sad really.

Thursday, May 26, 2005

Nothing Like.....

arguing with a "six and a half" year old. You pick your battles. I just gave in and said oh yeah, ok.
She started the debate this morning on whether or not she should be riding in the front seat.
She went and stepped on my scale and saw that she weighs 70lbs. Pretty good for a girl your age I said. She said that it was too much. I used to be 60lbs she said. I told her that I used to be 60 lbs too. When I was WAY younger. She started to tell me how she can sit in the front seat.
I told her that she is actually supposed to be in a booster seat at her weight. She said, oh yeah well I get to sit in the front seat. I said, yeah? She said yep even though I am 70lbs I get to sit up there.
ok. I thought that kids were supposed to be ten before they sat in the front seat. Am I crazy???
So, I said ok sure and we dropped it. Well, I did. She kept going. She is still going actually. Funny, she really likes to debate. It is funny. She can debate you on everything and everything. Kids, I tell yah.....
Right now she is telling me that she doesn't have the time to practice her English. Funny kid. She is in French immersion. She only has time to do the French. I am just letting her talk.
I love kids.

8:57 am

Just got back from dropping Holly off at school. Yep, it was an issue for a bit on the way. I get to sit in the front in so and so's car. I said yep, well in my car you sit in the back until you are at least 10 years old. She got quiet after that.
This morning was fun though. Holly was dropped off at 6am. She came in and her hair was all messy so I trimmed her bangs (they so needed it) then braided her hair and made her a pancake for breakfast. Kinda like what most moms I know do. Then I dropped her off at school.
It's little things like those that make me wonder when I should have kids and make me think of what a joy it will be. So, she is at school and I am going back to bed!! Bonus.
darn maybe not, gotta phone revenue canada. Still haven't gotten our returns yet.

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Poor, poor Phil

He's got it. My cold I had last week, and still have. He usually is able to fight off a cold in like one to two days, but his immune system has been so run down.
He could barely move this morning. I told him to call in sick. He laughed. See, it is just him and his boss at work. Hence the reason why he is putting in 12 - 14 hour days. Poor guy. Sure the money is okay, but is it worth it? Not really. He needs to find a new job. He needs a 40 hour a week job, or at least one where he is respected and doesn't get walked on. He is such a trooper.
I prayed that this cold will leave him fast. Maybe God is telling him to slow down. He is going away for a guys weekend this weekend so hopefully that will help.
Maybe I just need a better paying job so that he can just get whatever job. He works so hard and he is so tired. I am so grateful for him.
Thank you God for Phil. Thank you that You are there with him. Please heal my Phil.
Poor, poor Phil...

Monday, May 23, 2005


So I am the type of person that totally NEEDS to plan EVERYTHING. Just ask those closest to me. Ask the ones that I drive absolutely nuts. Everything needs to be planned right down to the exact time. It drives a few of my friends nuts, if not all of them. Must have the structure. Can't just "wing it".
Latley though I have been trying hard to do just that. Trying to wing it. Hard as it may be. I feel it eating at me that I am not setting a specific time. When I am told 9:30ish, I need to know if it is 9:30 or 9:45. Must choose an exact time. In fact the other day I just had to wing something and that was tough. If I don't have the exact time figured out then it just won't work, when in actuality that is a farce. Things will happen when they are meant to happen.
I went to my first Costa Rica meeting and was told to expect things to change from one moment to the next. I think God is trying to tell me something there. So I have been trying, reluctantly, to just wing things and see how they go. Take chances.
I feel that I must plan my future. If I should go to school. If and when we should buy a house, or have a family. Yet, I can just picture God shaking His head at me. Asking me when am I going to learn? It is not in my timing but in His. He knows my future. He knows what He has in store for me, for my family. Yet I have to be the one in control. I have to have the items on the list checked off by my own pen, my own timing. Not working yet....
When am I ever going to learn that my future is in Gods hands and that not everything can be planned right down to the second? That I need to learn how to "wing it". That is going to be a tough one....

Thursday, May 19, 2005

My husband is so awesome

I am so grateful for Phil. He is so good to me. When I was out of work he was okay with that and had the faith that we would get by. I am learning from him.

Today I called him from work. I am REALLY sick and I didn't even make it my full shift. He was fine with that. Before I went home I had asked him to bring me some halls. He asked what flavor and I said that it didn't matter, anything. So he shows up at my work with three flavors because he didn't know what I would prefer. Strawberry, Lemon and Cherry. All good choices. Then my boss sent me home. I asked Phil if he could get me some stuff for a bath. It is a baby product by Johnsons and it is called something along the lines of vapor bath. Something like that. It has vicks in it and you put it in the tub and it creates a soothing aroma with the smell of Vicks to calm the chest. It is "technically" for babies, but it works great for adults too. I TOTALLY recommend it for anyone. So right now he is at Save-On-Foods buying it for me.

Ok. He just walked through the door, the stuff is called Johson's soothing vapor baby bath. It comes in a blue bottle. He told me that they are on sale for two for seven dollars. I think we may need to stock up!! Great stuff. He even brought me food. and is pouring my bath. AW shucks. I love him.

He is so awesome and I feel so blessed to have him in my life. What would I do without him? I can't even imagine....

Every Time

So, every time I start to doubt God sends me little reminders and hints.
I had talked about the fact that I didn't think that God was 100% pleased with me. I am almost to the point now though that I believe it. I believe that He is pleased. Every time I doubt I read something that makes me smile. It makes my heart swell knowing that I am His. We are His. He is happy with us. Sure if we do something wrong we may upset Him but He will still be 100% pleased with us.

I had read My Utmost For His Highest and the first words I read were: "God does not keep His child immune from trouble; He promises, "I will be with him in trouble...."(ps.91:15)." How true is that one? We will still have trouble but He is not abandoning us, He is right there beside us if only we see. That is another thing that worried me. That I was on my own, even though I knew I wasn't. That in my times of trouble I had no where to turn. God hears my thoughts and sends me little reminders that He is there.
Now He is the ultimate Father! Never leaving us, always pleased with us. Makes me giddy thinking that He will always love me. He will always be my Father and that He won't turn His back on me. He walks with me. Always listening to us and waiting with open arms. He is patient and perseveres. I long to follow Him and have Him fully in my life and live for Him. He is guiding me in the right direction. I may have my temper tantrum and throw things but He waits. Then He asks; "are you done?" If not, I keep going but then I collapse and reach out to Him. Every Time. Every time I am reminded that He is my Father, my savior and my light. That He is always there. I love it.

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Darn it!!! I got Tagged!

I was hoping to avoid it, but no chance. Thanks Michelle.
So here it is, in no particular order......

My Ten Favorite Things

1. God - I love the fact that I am His. No matter what I may do He will never turn from me and that he is always pleased with me.

2. Phil - He is the best thing that has happened to me. I thank God for him all the time. He is wonderful to me and I really enjoy being his wife and feel so priveledged to be only his. He is always there for me and he supports me no matter what.

3. My Friends - They are always there for me and love me. I would have an incomplete life without them.

4. My Chruch - I feel like a family. When I walk in those doors I feel a sense of being at home. They are my home and family.

5. My family - Although we may not get along I am thankful for every member. Even those that have hurt me. Yes, even my in-laws!!

6. The smell of: Just cut Cedar and cedar shavings. I can take that in all day.Fresh cut grass. The air after a spring rain. You can smell the warmth.

7. Shelby - She is my Calico cat. Even though she is skiddish I stilll love her.

8. Taking Long Walks - these are moments I get to spend with those I love and with God. Very powerful moments.

9. Swimming - I absolutely love water!! I am a water baby and can spend all day in it.

10. Any Outdoor Activities - such as: hiking, camping, biking, rock climbing horse back riding. I truly get even more nuts when I am stuck inside for too long.

There are many more things that I am thankful for and I am sure I can keep going. However, it is now my turn to tag people. Wahahahaha...... I hope I don't double tag anyone. I am going to tag: Susanna, Rea, Lori and Erin.

Saturday, May 14, 2005


Here's a question that was thrown out at the Grace Life conference this weekend:

Do you believe that God is 100% pleased with you?

My answer was a resounding NO!! When the question was asked I kinda bit my lip and sighed. Not wanting to even go there. I thought that I had succeeded. Was I wrong. Today the question was asked again. We were asked if we gave it any further thought. I just looked at my friend and laughed. We had given it thought and I had answered it. Rod (the speaker) then asked me what my answer was to that question. I hesitated. I thought about changing the subject, I am good at that. Thought about running away. Thought about hiding. Then I sat further into the couch and looked at him and said, "I have a one word answer for that one. NO!" He asked why?

Why??? Well, how could anyone be pleased with me? How can anyone accept me? You have to work so hard to please people in society that you aren't used to being loved no matter what. Parents judge. They tell you they love you but there is absolutely nothing behind it. Parents push and push for you to achieve more and more. Do better. Dress better. Talk better. Nothing is good enough. So how could I be good enough for Him? How can He be so pleased with me? I'm not, so no one else can be either.

The conference continued after much discussion. It was like that little light in my head (this little light of mine.......) was starting to shine. Getting brighter and more predominant. I was understanding. At the end of the conference I was talking about how when I hold my niece in my arms and when I look into her big, beautiful brown eyes. My heart swells with pride. She is beautiful. She is perfect and I can't be any more pleased with her then I already am.

I got a hmmmmm........
That is just like God isn't it? I please Him. Sure there may be times that I might make Him upset but I still please Him and He will always be pleased with me. That unconditional love for His child. The unconditional love rises again.

So sitting across the table with my husband at dinner we had a conversation about that. Funny thing happened, I am not so sure about my NO answer anymore. It seems like I am on a Tee-ter totter (don't know if that is spelled right, oh well) and I was standing at the one end, which was the no. I don't believe. Now I can physically feel like I am in the middle and slowly heading towards the YES, I believe. I believe that you, God are 100% pleased with me. Cool.

I am ready to be broken. I am ready to give up things for God. I am ready to accept that He is pleased with me. Anyone else???

Thursday, May 12, 2005


Learning to do just that in situations can be tough.
I think I know how to embrace friendships. I have worked on embracing forgiveness. I read something that got me to thinking. "I've learned to cherish the tears ". Yep, so not there. No matter how many people tell me that it is ok to cry and how many people I tell the same thing to. Yet I am a hypocrite. When I feel like I am going to cry I fight it. I fight it hard. I run away from it. I hide. Jump into my little hole and yet they always seem to find me.
It is true that after I cry I do feel better, but if I let myself do it I would be crying way too darn much. Once my tears start they just keep going. One time I had a really bad moment and when I got a hug from my friend all I did was drop my arms by my side and cry. Just wanted to let it all out. I felt safe in her arms. I felt that it was ok. Now writing this right now I had a thought come into my head. If I would just let God embrace me and cry then it will be all right. I am safe. I think He is trying to tell me something. Safe in His embrace.
I know how healing it can be to cry. I've done it. I did it alot. I give my shoulders to others and wrap my arms around them when they need it. I am only a phone call away and they know it. Yet the same is extended to me and I cower. I lie and say that I don't need it when all I really want in these moments is to be held and to cry, to just let it all out.
How do you embrace that? How do you accept that it really is ok. Like I said, I know it is ok to do it but I fight it. Have to be strong. Have to keep going. Sometimes all I want to do is sit and cry but I fight it. I am tired of it. Growing so tired and weak of so many things. Tired of my little lonely hole. Tired of the mask. Tired.

Oh teach me to embrace it all......

Things we do.....

for our animals!!!
I am sitting here at the computer kinda cold. So I go to the living room for my blanket and my cat is all curled up on it fast asleep. She looks so cute. So I went searching for a different blanket. The things we do......

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Doubt and Insecurities

Funny how those two seem to go hand in hand. When I feel insecure about something I get doubt. Time to run away from the situation. Time to go and bury myself within my mask and that ever increasingly dark hole. Letting Satan win. Letting the doubts control my mind that I actually want to stop what I enjoy doing most. Letting them in and take over my spirit.
I hate Satan. I hate the games he tries to play with us and how he puts us to tests. Works on our insecurities and pushes and twists those buttons until I give in. Until I quit doing things I love to do. Turning my head inside out until the point where I don't know what is up or down. Making me flee from God and the security. The closer we get to God the more Satan fights. The more that he hates that we are moving away from him into our Fathers arms.
Our Father's arms that don't judge us, that love us and will hold us always. God doesn't give the insecurities. He tells us that we have nothing to fear when we trust in Him and when we let Him control what needs to be done. So, I give it over to you Lord.
Even though I give it into the hands of God, Satan is trying so hard to keep the doubt and the fear within me. If I quit what I love to do doesn't it only make him win? Making me believe that if I cry then I am weak and foolish. Making me feel like I am worthless. So I yell at him. I can literally feel the battle ragging within me. Wanting to just throw in the flag of surrender. I know though that there are people fighting with me. That God is there every step of the way. It just gets so damn tiring that I want to lay down and give in. Fine, you want me you've got me - you win.
Then I hear a little voice of encouragement telling me that when I am weak He is strong. So as weak as I am God will lift me and help me back on my way. Can't let Satan win. If I do then where would I be? Lost. Lost without Christ, lost and alone. I will not throw in the towel and I will continue down this field.
I am so friggin tired of the insecurities and the doubt playing with me. Time to drop to my knees and reach out. Reach for God to help take them all away and to help me come to know Him even more.
How so weak I feel when I cry and when I am vulnerable. I know it needs to come out but why? I know I want to run then how could I fix situations if I keep running from all of them? How can I become more complete in God? How can I just let Him win? Let Him take it over.
Will this battle ever end????

Sunday, May 08, 2005


"Ask any thing in my name and you shall receive..." (I think it is something like that). Just maybe it's not the way you were expecting or you want.
This weekend was ladies retreat. What an awesome retreat. It felt more powerful to me than ever before. I prayed that God were to meet me in a powerful way at this retreat and He sure did. Just a little harder than I expected. I think though that it was truly a long time coming.
This year has seen many ups and downs. Much spiritual growth and expanding faith. Maybe that is why I tended to "get" things a little more.
Lately the songs have had more meaning behind them. They have brought me to my knees and made me reach up and out to the Lord. Although the journey has just begun it amazes me. How much I have grown and how much more I feel God. Very cool. It only makes me more excited to continue the journey. Battles will be fought but with God we will win. Sometimes battles will feel and seem so endless but in God's timing.
So, like I said, God met me. I was amazed. I was filled with so many questions. I still am, but I feel like I can be at peace. I cry just thinking about how Jesus gave His life for us. Each one of us. That all our sins are forgiven. He reminded me this weekend that He is there. Had some quiet time with Him. Had some frustrating moments with Him. He was patient with me and He comforted me. He is so powerful and I pray that He will help me to keep my eyes open to Him. I was so amazed.

I thank you God for letting me be me. For loving me for who I am, even when I don't. Thank you for meeting me and showing me that you hear me. Thank you.

Thursday, May 05, 2005

He's There

Lately I have been struggling with spending enough time with God. I am not sure that I am. Days start getting busy and it seems like I tend to push God to the back burner. Ouch.

Lately I have been going for walks with a friend. I realized the other day that I, we, are spending time with God right there. We see the beautiful flowers and the magnificent trees filled with birds. It makes me think, this is God time right here. Not only am I spending time with Him but I am also spending time with a friend. That is what it is all about isn't it? Loving one another and loving God. He knows that I am not turning my back on Him but He waits patiently. I am so grateful that no matter how many times I feel like I am not spending enough quality time He is still there. That no matter how many times I ask for forgiveness it is ready to be done. No matter how many times I fall down He is there to pick me up. Wow. It is so big that it is almost something that overwhelms me.

He is there. He is my light through the darkness.
The walk yesterday was a much needed one. While walking we were looking around at all the beauty that was created. It was created for us to enjoy. So we do. Without even thinking about it we notice the simple things like how beautiful something looks. How the sun seems to come through the trees perfectly. How the flowers bloom so magnificently. We see the beauty. We see what God sees in us. It should be that easy. God sees us as beautiful and perfect yet we argue. The flowers and the trees don't argue. We don't argue with the fact that nature is amazing. Nature is beautiful. So God gives us these little hints. "See, you think this is beautiful so why not think that way about yourself. You are seeing these as the way that I see you. I see you with no flaws and as wonderful, just how I created you. I created you that way for a reason." We still fight.

Yet, He's there. Waiting. Waiting for us to realize the truth. Waiting for us to allow Him to pick us up, to reach out our hand to Him. Simple days like this with a friend make me realize how special I am. How privileged I am to have all this beauty created for me. Created for us. Isn't God wonderful?

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Bloody Frustrated

I am so frustrated yet again!!
I had my MRI for my shoulder and then I went to see the orthopedic surgeon today. Once again I was told that the tests came back showing nothing wrong. I was pretty upset.
I can't lift my niece it hurts too bad. Can't sleep on that side and I am finding it hard to drive. The numbness and the pain are so annoying and often intolerable. But nothing is wrong!

I prayed to God that they figure out what is wrong. I guess it is just a matter of this not being the answer I wanted to hear, once again. It is excellent that I don't need surgery but at the same time it would have been nice to figure out what was wrong so that it can be fixed. I guess I was just looking for a quick fix. Things don't work out that way sometimes.

So I started to worry. More physio. More money. More pain. I am starting to feel totally drained of all of it. I was worrying about the money part of course. My main concern is that I don't touch my Costa Rica money. I have enough to go and I want to go so bad that it hurts. I feel God pulling me that way. Knowing that He is, I just need to have the faith that it will all work out. It is meant to be. It will happen.

So, trying to take in the daily strides that I have to endure. We are going to go hard at the physio. It is in God's hands. On the plus side I don't have to miss work for surgery and I won't have to do surgery. God knows what is going on, I have to have the faith in Him.

Just so emotional because I am tired of it all. Tired of all the tests. Tired of being told that nothing is wrong. Just tired of everything. I just wish that it can all be back to normal and that I won't hurt when doing things. It will take time but it was time that I started to get frustrated with waiting for. Oh well, the waiting continues.

More Pictures

I posted more on Flickr. That seems to be a good site so far.

Grace Walk

"God hasn't forgotten you."
-Steve McVey p.159

Monday, May 02, 2005

Self Image

I have been thinking a lot lately about that exact thing. What is our self image? Do we see ourselves as beautiful like God? Do we see that we are perfect to Him? All the flaws that we see He does not. All the imperfections we worry about He thinks it makes us more beautiful.
I have found myself wondering why I have this poor self image? What happened in my life to make me feel this way?
All the clothes out there that are designed to fit the perfect little barbie figure. The image that you need to look a certain way in order to be accepted. In order to be loved. When in actual reality people love us for who we are. That is what makes each one of us so unique and special.
I see people who have suffered with self image so bad that it has ruined their lives. You see it all the time on TV, in the papers and in your daily life. It isn't just women either.
So what causes the thoughts that are embedded in these peoples heads? The ones that they are not pretty enough, skinny enough or smart enough?
I would like to figure that one out so that it can be stopped.
Yes I have a big problem with my self image. I know that God made me the way I am and that He loves me but why is it so hard to believe that? Why can't I just accept that? Why can't I accept a compliment when my husband tells me that I am beautiful? Instead I shrug it off and slyly say thanks. I know I shouldn't because it would hurt his feelings.
When I look at what God has given us in this world, the beauty of it all I think how beautiful and wonderful it is. I don't judge others and I love them for who they are but not myself. I tell my niece all the time how beautiful she is and how wonderful she is. I pray that she will know that as she grows up. It starts from a young age right? Sometimes I long to start over and listen to what God says about me. What He says about us.
It is so much easier to listen to the bad than it is to acknowledge or accept the good. The bad hurts more but for some reason it is so much easier to believe. You only need to hear it once for it to be on your mind and for you to think less of yourself. If you are able to shrug that all off then you are a WAY stronger person than I am and I would like to know your secret.
How do you shrug it off? How do you accept yourself for who Christ made you to be? He loves me and thinks that I am perfect in His eyes. So does my husband and friends. Why though is it so hard to accept?
I just pray that some day I won't care anymore and that I may be able to see myself as God sees me. That seems like a long way off though. I guess it is time to try to start ignoring the bad and turning it into the good.


I was recommended Flickr by James. I was hesitant at first until today when I went to click on the fotopages and it didn't show up. Let me know what you think. It is probably experimental right now. James, did I set it up right?

Sunday, May 01, 2005

Your Birthdate: July 4

Being born on the 4th day of the month should help make you a better manager and organizer.

You may be more responsible and self-disciplined than you realize.

Sincere and honest, you are a serious and hard working individual.

Your feelings are likely to seem somewhat repressed at times.

The number 4 has something of an inhibiting effect on your ability to show and express affections, as feeling are very closely regulated and controlled.

You are apt to be much more practical, rational, and conscious of details.

There is a good deal of rigidity and stubbornness associated with the number 4.

I had to try....

You Are a Peacemaker Soul

You strive to please others and compromise anyway you can.
War or conflict bothers you, and you would do anything to keep the peace.
You are a good mediator and a true negotiator.
Sometimes you do too much, trying so hard to make people happy.

While you keep the peace, you tend to be secretly judgmental.
You lose respect for people who don't like to both give and take.
On the flip side, you've got a graet sense of humor and wit.
You're always dimplomatic and able to give good advice.

Souls you are most compatible with: Warrior Soul, Hunter Soul and Visionary Soul