Saturday, June 04, 2005

Love's touch

Sue's blog about reflection kind of hit home with me. How many of us out there truly long to be noticed, to be touched?
Longing for the touch of love. The kind that makes you feel that you are safe in their arms and your safe with one another. The kind that gives but doesn't cry out for attention or something in return. The kind of touch that lets you know that you are loved and you do matter.
I have been thinking back and wondering why I long for it. I think back about nightmares as a child and I wonder if I was consoled. I remember going to my moms door then telling her about the dream and she telling me that it is ok. That's it. I don't remember if she ever held me to go back to sleep or not. I remember standing there crying. I long so much for that touch yet when someone is sincere enough for the love then when I get it I wonder why. What did I do to deserve it? Then I realized that it is the touch that doesn't demand that I did or didn't do anything to deserve it. It is the touch that shows me that I am thought of. That I am safe.
I can remember having nightmares over the last few years and actually having someone to turn to, but I was afraid of waking him. One time it was so bad that I woke up gasping. Phil heard it and woke up asking what was wrong. I said that I had a really bad dream but not to worry about it, to go back to sleep. I felt him roll over towards me and embrace me. He played with my hair and I felt calm. I felt safe and fell back asleep knowing that it is ok.
Funny, how as humans we were designed for that touch. We were created to give and receive that touch. I can't believe it; that people love me and that they provide that love. They provide that touch just because I need it. A special friend that knows just when to pull you close. A special friend that knows when you want to hide but you just need to be held. Special friends that show me I am loved and acknowledged for who I am. The touch that reminds me that God is so much closer than I think. The touch that paralyzes me and I just give in to the comfort. When I cry and am upset or lost in the dark that is when I need it the most. I long for it. Sometimes I will get the hugs through email and even that makes me feel better. The type of hugs that hold me so close that I drop my arms and just cry and it is ok with them. It is ok to just let it out.
My dad died when I was young so I never got to experience being a "daddy's girl" or rushing to my dad's arms to be held and comforted. Then I started to think that even though I don't have a blood dad to run to I have my Father in Heaven. Which is so reassuring. I can run into His arms and be held and comforted by Him.
The touch of love is such a powerful gift and I am just so thankful that I have received it. I have received it's warmth, kindness and its embrace.

Curled in my Fathers arms

Closing my eyes i run to You.
I stop and sheepishly stand at the foot or Your throne
with my head bowed in shame and disgrace.
The tears flow freely down my face and onto the floor.
I am ashamed. Ashamed of the fear and the tears.
I feel Your hand under my chin as You gently
raise my eyes to meet with Yours.
You aren't mad, You are concerned and hurt for me.
Like a child i shake and cry uncontrollably.

You place Your hands under my arms and lift
me into Your lap with no hesitation.
Like i am as light as a feather.
I curl my legs into your lap and place my
head against Your chest and feel You breathe.
You talk to me, You soothe me and You let
me just sit there and cry into Your robe.
You hold me close and stroke my hair while
whispering to me how much You love me.
You whisper that You are proud of me.

I look into your eyes and sigh.
I tell you i love You and You smile.
I know You love me as i lay my head back
against Your chest and let myself be held.
I am curled in my Fathers arms and am safe
from all my harms and worries.
A place i feel comfortable and don't want
to ever forget as long as i live.

Thank you Father that you are there to provide the embraces that we need. Thank you for the special people who You brought into my life. Thank you that they love me and I beg that they know how much I love them.


Sue said...

that's beautiful misty

Michelle said...

Very nice!!

Nikki said...

i don't know if I'm just tired or what... but that actually brought *tears* to my eyes! I love how you express yourself. :-)

Miss-buggy said...

I was crying the whole time that I wrote that poem. I had a friend tell me to curl into our Fathers arms...... Got me to thinking and crying more. OUR FATHER