What a day!!

yesterday I cleaned house all day. Save for the walk I went on with Cooper. Which was really nice and we both enjoyed it.
Then today I pulled out the 12 month clothes :( Guess it was time....so sad....
We have been SO BLESSED with all the clothes we had given or loaned to us. I even kept some clothes to the side that won't fit in the drawers to loan them to my neighbour considering everyone else I know has GIRLS!!
So I did 4 loads of laundry. Folded 5. A load from yesterday. Good thing I like to do laundry!! The 5th load is washing. It is diapers and needs two washes then hang to dry. It has been a LONG day!!
Just thought I would share the mass of clothes my son has. He has more then me for crying out loud!! And this doesn't include the 12 month shorts that probably aren't gonna fit this summer. Thank you God for this blessing..... You will see some of the drawers, the pant and the shirt ones, the clothes are rolled just so I can see them all!!









needless to say I am so exhausted! And I am NOT asking for clothes for his birthday!!

little things?

You know, I have had some things going through my head lately. I am not going to share them though cause I don't want pity.
I have been riding things out. Just letting them go. Ignoring them.
BUT.........
why is it that one LITTLE thing can make you feel like just flying off the handle!
I didn't. But I sure as heck wanted to.
one thing after another.......God will provide..........and He has. That I am thankful for and that is what keeps me going day in and day out. Not to mention the little rug rat that He has graciously blessed our lives with. He is crawling at me feet laughing and talking away.
Ok.......that was good. Just saying that just brought everything down a notch or two.
thanks!

I am a wee bit choked

And I don't even know if I spelled that right!!
I LOVE my new camera. But it started making a clicking noise. So I sent it in to best buy to try to get it fixed. It has been two weeks. I was told it would take two weeks to 2 MONTHS!!! I got the extended, extended warranty so it won't cost me anything. BUT COME ON!!
I just called there and it is STILL IN TRANSFER!! It has been two weeks and it went to their repair depot and now it is going out to another repair depo. Give me a friggen break!!
They said that if it takes longer then 2 months they will just give me a new camera. OH YOU BETTER BELIEVE I AM HOLDING THEM TO THAT ONE!! I bet it will be OVER two months.
The guy on the phone said it could be a week before they even know what is wrong with the camera. So help me if I get it back and it is worse or something. Cause the camera was expensive they have to try to repair it first. Then if it is something that is more then what the camera costs to repair they give me a new one.
I just want my camera back!! Sniff, sniff..........I got a new baby to take pics of and I have yet to get into the camera and play around with the options.
Thanks though to Sue for graciously lending me her camera. At least I get some pictures!!
sigh........
I feel better now for venting

Peek a boo

Funny thing is that when we were playing this back he was laughing at himself. Ignore my voice and laugh. Sorry it is so dark.......

He's definately ALL boy!!

Yesterday when I was nursing him before his afternoon nap his legs started going a mile a minute. Then he farts. Doesn't even pull away from the breast but starts laughing. So I start laughing and he giggles then goes back to eating.
My kid laughed at himself farting. Now you tell me that isn't ALL BOY!! LOL!!

Cooper update....again....

Cooper's doc tried to get him into a pediatrician. The ped was not available until March and he wanted Cooper to be seen today or tomorrow. So they called another doc then called me back. I asked if I could still put the cream on him even though it was bleeding. She relayed to the doc and the doc said that they would call me back. They canceled the pediatrician and got Cooper into a dermatalogist. Cooper got in today.
I knew it was eczema but what I wanted cleared up was that it was not an allergic reaction and that it was just bad eczema. Also guided in the right direction.
Just after 11 this morning we got in to the doc. He said that Cooper has super sensitive skin. He was impressed at how alert Cooper is, how talkative he is, how friendly and how close he was to walking.
So what he said to do about his skin.....
DO NOT put bubble bath in the water. Not good for baby's skin.
Keep his room cooler and not too warm.
DO NOT wash him every night. He can have a bath but not to use soap or any thing in the water.
Put vaseline on his eye lids. Cause most things that are used for eyes are made or created from vaseline.
To use plain ol' Aveeno body lotion on the other parts.
DO NOT use any baby lotion.
DO NOT use anything that says baby on it cause they add perfumes to it so that it smells all pretty. That it really is not good for his skin. It is too harsh.
DO NOT use bounce (I had started that a while ago)
DO use a milder, less abrasive laundry detergent, gotta get money for that one! Found some good stuff.
So no perscriptions. Just the Aveeno and vaseline. NO baby products. Too harsh for my little mans sensitive skin.
The doc was GREAT!! I walk in and see him walking around in his socks! Very laid back. He was very friendly and took the time to talk to Cooper. While Cooper was waving at him and he waved back at Cooper and talked to him. Told me to come back if I get concerned. Just that I have a sensitive skinned little boy. That his skin will go back to normal. No need to use the cortizone creams I was given. So we are gonna take it day by day now. Funny thing is that the vaseline already seemed to take down the redness.
Why are all the good doctors only specialists? Don't get me wrong I love Cooper's family doctor but I LOVED the ped and this dermatologist was awesome! The good ones always seem to be specialists and just when you find a good one you can't keep them. Like my maternity doctor. I guess they are specialists for a reason.....

Poor Cooper

I feel so bad for Cooper. He has eczema so bad. We saw the doc on monday and he gave us yet ANOTHER cream to try and it didn't work. We went back yesterday now he wants to get us in to see a ped. THIS week ASAP.
It started on his legs. Then it went to his arms. Then it went to his poor little face and now his belly and back. We were even using a milder detergent that is less abrasive. We put lotion stuff in the tub. We even put lotion on him. NOTHING has helped. I thought maybe it was cause I was drinking milk so I cut that out for a few days and it didn't help. And the doc told me I could drink milk and it wouldn't affect him. I beg to differ on that one!
Plus the last few nights, well two weeks actually, he has been waking up at least 1-2 times a night. Crying. We would go in there and try to put him down. The only thing that worked was rubbing his belly. It is like he has gas. Now I wonder if the two are realted. The only new things he has had are cheerios and saltless crackers. But he was eating those for a few weeks prior to all of this.
The eczema around his little eye is starting to bleed now. Poor kid. I cry for him. It has to hurt. It has to be itchy. I am waiting to hear back if I get to see the Ped we saw when he was younger. Pray with me that we do. She was SO nice and it is hard to find good doctors that listen to you and take general concern and worry for the baby.
Here is a pic. The pic does it no justice. It looks so much worse in person. Plus it is even swelling around his eye. I don't know what to do! Doc please call today with the appointment with the ped I like. (her name is Dr. Cohen) Please pray......sorry if it all sounds so trivial....
he used to have such perfect skin!!

some random thoughts....

*note to self: when and if we ever get our own house do not paint kitchen cupboards white. They are the most used therefore show dirt more and take a while to clean!!!


also.....
Last night I found myself reflecting on the whole fire incident (see previous post). Not only was I thankful that we got out quickly but I was thankful we had house insurance. I know some people that don't and I just don't get it. $30 a month for piece of mind.
Then I got to thinking thank God I only have one child. I was thinking about Michelle and Rod. Not only would they have to get themselves shoes but first and foremost they would have to grab two kids. Two blankets. Then what if one of them is home alone with both children. Double the work. My son thought the noise was funny, but what if he was screaming cause he was scared. Then add another kid into the mix!! Man I give you parents with more then one child lots of credit. Then there is her neighbour that has 5 kids. WOW!! Good luck with that one!!
I worried that if I had more then one child what happens if.....you know.....one child is hiding scared out of their pants. The other one is screaming at the top of their lungs and if you want to add another one into the mix lets say they are running around. Boy oh boy. That would be tough.
Then I got to thinking. I don't have much time left for just Cooper and I. He is sleeping now so I got cleaning done and am posting. But when May rolls around our plan is to bring in a couple of kids. Then no more Cooper and mommy time as much. My stupid mistake is that they are all so close in age. One is a month younger then Cooper and one is a week older. FUN STUFF!! Almost like having triplets. What am I getting myself into!
Plus Phil needs to find a new job. Not sure if he can do his anymore. But he doesn't know the field he wants to get into. He is very non chalant about it. He thinks he can fall back on EI. Yes he can but.......there is a 4 week waiting period and EI is only a percentage of his wages. That won't pay the bills......
Speaking of paying the bills....I better go get into real clothes so when Cooper gets up we will go and do just that.
Just random thoughts going through my head. Nothing I am stressing about cause there is not point. God has a plan. Just trying to be patient enough to wait it out. ;)

WELL THAT WAS FUN!!!!

*note: sarcasm

So I just got back in from being outside for a half hour. The fire alarm went off in our building.
I was making dinner and had the oven on. The next thing I knew the smoke detector started going off. So I thought I created smoke but it made no sense since I had nothing in the oven yet. Dinner was just finished being prepared and I was about to put it in. So I grabbed a tea towel and ran to the detector and started to fan at it. It wasn't going off. Oh crap! What did I do! Cooper was in his highchair laughing away. He thought it was a fun noise. My ears were hurting but he was cool with it.
So I grabbed Cooper and picked him up to go to the neighbours to see if he could help me turn the detector off. I opened the door and it was sounding in the hallways too. WOW!! There is a fire in the building.
I pop back in the door and grab Cooper a jacket, a hat and a blanket. I know that sounds bad but I know where everything is and it was a matter of seconds. There was no visible smoke outside my door. Then went flying to the door with Cooper in my arms. Grabbed my coat and shoes. Opened the door and checked again for smoke. All clear. Headed for the stair way. People were chatting in the halls and I was like, ummm we should be evacuating!!
So we were all standing out side in the rain and people who didn't want to get wet stood just outside the front doors. I thought, well how dumb is that! We don't know for sure if there is a fire or not. We stayed away from the building rain or not. I was standing out there with my little boy and I thanked God that we got out ok. Then I thanked Him for us having house insurance.
Fire department came, Cooper thought the sound and lights were fun. Turns out there was actually a fire in our building!! A suite on the second floor. There was a pot that actually caught on fire. The sprinklers put it out. Thank God for sprinklers!! So the apartments below the one where the fire was has some water damage but we are all ok.
We got out safe and sound. We are back inside and the dinner is in the stove. Hope Phil understands why it will be a late dinner. LOL. I know he will!!
I am still shaking from adrenaline!!

not sure what to do!

So my little man that used to sleep through the night has been getting up now for the past 2 weeks make that 4. I don't know what to do anymore. At about 10 he wakes up SCREAMING. Sometimes he has gas, others he doesn't. Then he wakes up at 3 am sometimes 4 and then is up for the day at 6.
I am totally exhausted. I can't handle it. Last night I walked out of the apartment while he was screaming and Daddy tried to deal with it. I just needed some breathing space. I come back hoping he had stopped and nope he didn't. He was up for a hour. Turned out he had gas last night. But what about all the other nights.
I am wondering now if maybe the wheat in Cheerios and crackers, both which he started not long ago, is hurting his belly. Process of elimination right? So say bye bye to crackers and cheerios. Sucks cause he really liked them.
Then there is the possibility that he is not getting enough milk. He will nurse. But now I am not sure if he is nursing out of convenience and it being offered to him or if he is actually hungry.
We are going to try something tonight. When he gets up tonight we are going to get Phil to get up with him (see if he will) and offer a bottle of water. Then keep only offering him water. Maybe he will see there is no point to get up for water. I know that he is capable of sleeping through the night. He used to do it for crying out loud. When he slept all the way through so did the rest of us and the 6am wake up for the day was fine.
Last week I almost fell asleep in church. To be honest, I don't see this week being any different. PLUS he has decided not to like nursery. I keep putting him in but the Daddy is the big sucker (LOL) and keeps pulling him out cause he is crying. He just needs to be distracted and he is fine.
Sigh.........whine, whine, whine.....But I am SO tired!!

The importance of making sure car seats are installed CORRECTLY!!

Always get them double checked by the fire department or ICBC. This video is amazing. Amazing that the child survived. Nothing graphic. But wait until you see the shape the car is in. Mom lost her life. Baby only had some scrapes.....

hope the video works

http://video.nbc4.tv/player/?id=63323

The Lovely Ladies (and more pics)

Payton's a big sister!!



The new family of FOUR!!!


And if you didn't catch it in the other pictures. That is pink you see!! IT'S A GIRL!! She blew everyone away!!
Born this morning at 8:37am.
Weighing 8lbs 13.5ozs
Measuring 20.5" long

No name as of yet. Got some cute ones being thrown around. I AM SO EXCITED!! She is here! Although I could have sworn it would be a boy!!


I'm an Auntie again!! (not the best picture but you can only do so much editing!)


another Daddy's girl!!

I JUST HAVE TO SHARE THIS!!!!

COOPER TOOK TWO STEPS about 15 minutes ago!!
I was sitting on the floor in front of his recliner in his room and he was standing. I was trying to read him a story but I gave up and let go. I was about to get all excited and clap cause he was standing then he shuffled two steps towards the recliner. THEN I was practically jumping up and down and clapping my hands all excited. Bummed that Phil isn't here to share it with me but what can ya do!!
So I thought I would share it with you all!!
Happy Valentines Day.

Tomorrow is the BIG DAY!!!

YAY!! I CAN'T WAIT!!!
Come out baby McLatchy!!!
no more pregnant pictures!! I love the belly though! Isn't she beautiful!!

My husband and I before the wedding

and our boy.....
was being watched by Grammy

You may kiss your bride

(gotta love Greg's grin in the background!!)

Isn't she beautiful?!!!!

The bride and her father

I now intorduce Husband and Wife

WAHOO!!!

TODAY IS THE DAY!!!

*jumping up and down!! All giggles

SQUEAL!!!

SUSAN AND TERRY ARE GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW!!!!

giggle..........

Crazy last 24 hours

It all started yesterday at 5am...........
Cooper woke up. decided to get up for the day. Fed and then the whining started. ALL DAY!! I think he has his 9th tooth coming through. All day I had a whiny kid that didn't know what he wanted. I didn't sleep well that night so it was harsh.
Phil wasn't home working on a diesel truck he picked up. He worked for one whole hour yesterday! WAHOO! FRIGGEN WAHOO!! I am breaking. The wall is too high and I can't throw any more bricks high enough.
So last night I was putting Cooper to bed. I was stupid and while I was bathing him I had the camera and was taking pictures and video. When my nightmare unfolded in a matter of a blink of an eye. I was looking at the screen. He wasn't there. I heard a crash. I tossed the brand new camera down. (I would do it again.) I was sitting RIGHT BESIDE THE TUB!! Reached into the water and yanked Cooper up out of it. He was fully submerged. It all happened within seconds. Didn't even think just reacted. Lifted him full up out of the tub by his ONE ARM!! (blushing). Used my left arm with the bad shoulder so today it is still killing me. I swept him against me and he was fine. He had a cut to his head and I saw blood. BLOOD!! First cut!! Caused because his mommy was playing with her camera and not watching him. Ok God lesson learned. Won't have the camera if I am by myself. I put him back in the tub so that he would not be afraid of the water. He was totally fine. Went back to playing. Me on the other hand was on the verge of tears.
So we finished his bath and went and got him dressed. Read a book then I nursed him. He took both sides fully. Then put him in his crib. He was out instantly. I checked on him a few times. Afraid of it being a concussion and him slipping into a coma or something. Although I knew it wasn't a concussion. He wasn't throwing up. He was acting totally fine.
So just after 8:30 I decided to go to bed. The last time I saw was shortly after that. I fell asleep. Had a long day. Then at 9:11pm the phone rings. Who calls at that time!! Geepers! You know my kid is in bed. That is pretty late as is wether or not I am in bed. If it is an emergency it is fine. So I had to dart out of bed, heart pounding cause I was just awoken from a dead sleep. Only to pick up the phone and no one there cause they hung up before the answering machine. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.............
So get back in bed. Get all cozy and the damn thing rings again. This time I thought to bring the phone to be with me. It was my MIL (Mother in Law) wondering where Phil was. I said, you woke me. I was sleeping. He will be there soon. (long story not getting into it) She kept going ON AND ON. Then eventually she said, ok I will let you go.
Too late. Now I am wide awake worrying about Phil. I figured he would be home by 10 anyway. But now my gut is being tested and I am worrying. 9:50 he walks through the door. I told him about Cooper and my day. He told me about his. Just before 11 when I fell BACK to sleep. GRRRRR......
4am.....Cooper woke up screaming. Phil went in there to calm him and he would have none of it. So we gave him some acetaminephin and then I nursed him. My milk must be low or something cause he gobbled it down. Then thankfully he went back to sleep. So did I. Only to wake up at 5:30 to him wanting to get up for the day. So I reluctantly got up and nursed him and changed his bum. We have been up for over a hour now. He is whining. I know he is a good baby. Yeah, yeah, yeah but still this has been tough.
I am supposed to go to moms group today but I don't think I am going to. Phil has NO WORK today. Maybe he can watch the kid all day and I will stay in bed. Oh wait he has a truck to work on and he will be at his moms.
FUN FUN FUN!!!
pictures of Cooper before the fall........



after............



if anybody actually read this thank you.

Just a wee bit stressed

but am not panicking Too too bad .................. yet.............
This week Phil has worked a total of 8 hours. As of late this morning. He missed two days last week. The guy that runs the office at his work is flying out thursday. They are closing the shop on Friday and Saturday. No work Friday or Saturday cause we have a wedding to attend. (that I don't mind ;) )
As of the 15th Phil is no longer employed with his current boss. As of the 16th we still do not yet know if they have jobs. The new owners have not talked to the guys yet. So the 15th the guys are pulling their tools out of the shop. They will head in on the 16th hoping to be employed.
Yep.......I am a wee bit stressed. I can kind of see the problems just lingering in front of my face. I know God will take care of it and their is NOTHING I can do but I am still stressed a bit. Not letting it get to me too bad. That is why I am confused that I am thinking about it now. I just wish I knew what His plans were.
My maternity leave ends in April. So does my employment with Lordco.
sigh............
think I need to go to bed............

Awesome!! Guess what

Last night Phil and I went to the movies together. We hadn't been since I was very pregnant. We rarely ever go to the movies and I tell ya it was weird being without Cooper.
We don't really have the money to spend but Phil made some extra and decided to take me to the theatre cause who knows when and if that will happen again.
What we did was meet at a friends house at 6 and then we let Cooper play. Then at 6:30 we did the bedtime routine. We put him down for bed in the playpen we keep there. He was talking away to himself and Phil and our friends went down to get some food ahead of time. I stayed a bit longer to make sure he was asleep. My friends son was going to listen for him. 7pm rolls around and Cooper is quiet, no more talking. So I went upstairs and told Joel that he sounds asleep and we were off. He said ok. I had my friends cell phone just in case and it didn't ring at all. Cooper slept soundly the whole time. We paid our "sitter" and then left. Brought Cooper home who decided to wake up on the way home. So we were dreading trying to put Cooper back to bed. But we came in and did the prayer duck (a little stuffed duck that says the Bedtime prayer when you press his foot) and put him into bed. That was it. Didn't hear a peep out of him. Then he slept until 6:15 this morning.
It was such an awesome night. Mind you nothing we could afford but it was well needed. IT WAS SO AWESOME!!

SIX MORE DAYS!!!


I am SO excited!! In six more days Susan and Terry will be united under God and in front of family, friends and community as witnesses. I am so excited for them. They are so happy together. When I see them together I see the respect, love and trust they have for one another.
God has blessed them so richely. There are many stresses right now due to a wedding but HECK who DOESN'T get stressed out planning their own wedding!
I have never been so excited about a union so perfect. God is definately a main focus, from an outsiders view, in this one. They can correct me if I am wrong but I really see it no other way.
Good Luck Susan and Terry and thank you for allowing us to be a part of this special union.

God is at work! Isn't he???

This is SO hard!!
In my heart deep, deep down I know that God is working in our lives but there is a part of me that believes, wrongly mind you, that if I don't talk about it, write about it and just plain ol' ignore it, it will go away. Now that is inaccurate thought but I still think them.
At the beginning of this week a friend of mine prayed for Phil's job. She asked that doors be closed that meant to be closed and others that are meant to be opened start opening. I thought it was a great prayer. Until the very next day.
Wednesday I came home from failing at putting in Michelle's car seats for her two babies. hehe....two!! I walked in the door and started venting about how frustrated I was to Phil. Know what he said? Here I got something that will make you feel worse. I was like what!!?? I snapped it yes but wouldn't you when you were told that??
He said that as of the 15Th of FEBRUARY, that's right....this MONTH, his job is terminated. I said WHAT?? TERMINATED??? and he explained.
His boss sold the business and APPARENTLY the new owner that takes over on the 16Th wants to keep them. But here's the kicker. They have no idea if the new owner wants to keep them or not. He has not come to the shop. He has not talked to the guys. There has been no assurance AT ALL!! So the three guys that work there are going on a bunch of apparently words. Nothing is set in stone and nothing is for sure. So the 16Th my husband is technically out of a job. The worst thing I can think of at this point. IF the guy doesn't keep them then they will all be on EI. EI only provides 65% of your wages. 65% DOES NOT cover rent. 65% will NOT cover bills. My maternity leave ends in April. Along with my medical and health benefits. Along with me ending my employment with my job. There is no point to go back to a minimum wage job and have someone else raise my son and have almost all my wages go to that. So I will be trying to daycare kids myself.
I know that deep, deep down in my heart that God has a plan. But I can't talk about it. I just put it as another brick in this comfy wall I have been building over the last few weeks. The mask is on again. It will just go away right? I think about it and I panic. My chest goes tight and my arms tingle. So don't talk to me about it. That is the attitude I have.
Phil has the faith.
I talked to a few friends. I didn't get a response I thought I would have. I was kinda taken aback. No concern on their ends. Just an it will be ok. God is moving. Yep, gee thanks....I know that but doesn't mean that I am not scared shitless (sorry to swear but that is the only word I can think of to express the fear strong enough)
I am trying to pray. But I get lost. I start to panic.
God I know that You are moving, I know that You are closing doors that need to be closed. But help me to relax. Help me to hand it all over to You. Help me to not be numb and not feel. I know that good will come out of this. Help me to be strong and see that. I know that You will provide, so help me to stop being so darn stubborn and to be encouraged that YOU are moving in our lives. Help me to lay the trust on You. Amen

I am SO EXCITED

There MAY be a baby tonight. Michelle is going in to try to get the baby turned. There is a chance that the baby could come tonight though via a C-section. You can read more on her site.
I am so excited. Something to look forward to!!
I remember 2.5 years ago I was printing off this:


Then just last Saturday I took this picture. I don't care if you don't like it Michelle! :P Could this actually be the last pregnant picture of her?? Look at that cute belly!


Could it actually be that I MAY be posting congratulations later tonight and pictures tomorrow? Something like that
BABY, BABY, BABY.............
I CAN'T WAIT TO HOLD THIS LITTLE ONE!!

Am I becoming a hermit?

I don't like this. I am usually a pretty active person. I like being out and about. I like to always be on the go. I like to have things to do. To keep busy. But lately something seems to be wrong with me.
I am not sure how to respond in groups anymore. Not sure how to communicate it seems. It also seems like I am stupid. Forget the meaning of words, forget how to do things. What is wrong with me!!
I will be out at mom's group then all of a sudden I feel like I am freezing. I feel like panicking. Like I don't know what to do. I look for a way out. Don't get me wrong I totally love my mom's group. Have been starting to make some good friendships there. But for some reason it eats at me and then I get home and it is like a weight is lifted from my shoulders and I can relax.
Same with Church. All of a sudden I feel like the walls are just way too small. This is another thing too. There all of a sudden seems to be too many people. Too many eyes that can see me and my flaws. No way to hide.
What is wrong with me?
Have been feeling this way for a while. Mostly I can push it aside but lately it has becoming stronger. Like I have no life. Like I am being judged and looked at funny. It is me that doesn't like the way I look but my mind plays games with me and tells me that everyone else can see the same flaws that I do.
You know what? To be honest I am not even liking the phone much anymore. Find the computer easier. I know there are a few of you that are going to argue that but the reason I try to talk longer now is cause I want to be normal. I push myself. I used to love the phone!! LOL!! But now I do it cause it is easy to get a hold of people but I really force myself. Honestly.
So I stay home. I hate staying home. But it almost feels more "safe". I know it's not the truth but I have no idea what to do. Am I becoming a hermit? How do I break this? How do I become who I WAS??

Never too small to help someone else out

"Here Cooper I will help you to stand." Says Payton


"see Cooper..........over there"



Payton is really good with Cooper. Even when he yanked on her hair!! Such a good girl!!

OK....this is way too cute NOT to share!!!

This morning Cooper got up at 6. But that is ok cause he slept from 7-6am. YAY COOPER!! Anyway.......today is the day that Phil doesn't have ot go into work until later on in the morning.
All of a sudden Cooper was quiet. I thought he was in his room. So I was quickly finishing up my devotion. Then I hear Phil "MMIISTTY" I get to the bedroom and see the door open. I was like oh no, Cooper woke him by playing with the cats dishes. There is gonna be water every where. So I go in there and there is Phil and COOPER on the bed.
Phil said that Cooper woke him up. He said, "I hear Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad and look up and he is standing at the foot of the bed. I can see his little head."
NOW HOW CUTE IS THAT!! (just now it sounded like he said, I got it Dad. He is playing with his monitor)
Anyway..........
Phil said it was weird cause he is not used to being woken up by Cooper saying Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad. He said it was neat. I think so too!!
Cooper knew where Daddy was and he went all the way in there and stood at the foot of the bed and called for him. Now THAT is pretty special!!

our morning

we went to Adventure Zone with my moms group today. It is an indoor play area for the kids. It is pretty neat. Here are some pics. Cooper wasn't so sure about the ball pit! LOL. And also here are some pics of our walk in the park today.

Cooper Update

He sounds better this morning. He still has a bit of a bark but all in all it does sound better then yesterday.
Last night was a little rough. He had some trouble sleeping from 3am on. So he got up at 6 something and then he was playing and his head kept hitting the floor cause he was tired. I have only ever seen him do that once before. So about a hour ago I tried to put him to bed. He fell asleep about 30 minutes ago. I am hoping that he gets some good sleep.
There is just something about your baby being sick that just wretches you inside. Makes fears more hightened and you more alert. I asked God to keep me alert to Cooper's needs. I think He did.
He is really clingy today and tired. I hope he continues to get better. Thanks to anyone that cared and anyone who decided to pray. Means a lot.

There is a seal in my house

nope it's Cooper!!
I broke down and took him to the doctors. I felt like an ass going in just in case it was nothing but in my gut I thought it was croup.
It all started this morning. Heard him crying mixed with the bark of a seal. Then later in the morning he coughed and still sounded like a seal. I reluctantly went in to his doc. He confirmed my suspicions. My little boy has croup.
Now I have to watch his breathing and cough. If either of them get worse we are supposed to go to the hospital. They gave him the medicine orally minutes after. The doctor called down to the pharmacy and told the perscription and I walked down there and sat for a few minutes. Then it was done. He took the medicine well. It tasted like grape. I tasted the little bit on my finger. The pharmascist was shocked at how well he took it.
So now there is a part of me that is worried. I am hearing the seal even when he breathes. Hope it goes away with the one dose like he said it SHOULD.
I called Phil and told him and he said he thought it sounded weird this morning and he even thought he heard something out of the ordinary last night. Parental instincts. He had croup come to his mind too. We were right. Wonder if God was trying to tell us that. Either way my insticts were correct and even though I was reluctant to go to the doctors I am glad I did.
Good thing though, his lungs sounded clear. That is good. Hoping that he will get better!!

OK so there is a good side

to Cooper waking up so early and Phil not working today.
We went for our first family swim. It was awesome. Cooper was so tired though. But he thought it was great fun.
Now we are home and Phil has gone out and Cooper is totally crashed with a full belly of warm milk and it is off to bed I go!!
Let's hope for some sleep!
HAHA

SO TIRED

Cooper woke up twice last night then at 10 to 5 this morning. Has not fallen back asleep. This is driving me nuts.
I am sick and have a sore back and in all honestly literally have zero tolerance. What the heck did I do wrong? Nothing. I am sure that it is ok but there is a little voice in the back of my head that says I am a failure.
He has always slept through the night. We have been very fortunate. But all of a sudden these last two weeks have been crappy. He wakes up then one of us is in there on the floor so he can see us until he falls asleep. Well, mainly Phil. Cause I am tired of this stuff that I just walk out after calming him or try to let him cry and fuss it out himself. He is not hungry. He just ate. He just has this wrong assumption that it is time to get up.
I am at a breaking point and am tired of this. Just want my baby back. He slept better for naps yesterday and that was a good thing. It is said that if they nap well they sleep well. Well, Cooper proved that wrong.
Oh the joys of being a mother. Wouldn't trade any of it for the world but come on!! When is my baby coming back. I know just as soon as you have them figured out they go and change again.
So I am sure he is going to be getting up soon. He is SO NOT going to last until 9 for his morning nap. Today is going to suck! Plus I have to go to the hospital and get a x-ray on my shoulder and then go across the street and see the specialist. I am hoping I get some sort of answers. Am tired of the pain and the numbness. Can't lift my arm or anything without the darn thing going numb. Maybe it is my elbow. I don't know anymore.
The only thing that I know is that I am a whiney, over tired, cranky mother. This should be fun!

In a good place

Was listening to our guest pastor yesterday and he was talking about Ruth and Naomi. How Ruth stayed with Naomi even though she didn't have to. She stuck with Naomi through her dark spots and hard spots.
He was talking about the trouble spots you may be in. The hard places that are dragging you down.
I have been in those trouble spots. The ones that feel like you will never come out of them. The darkness surrounds you. You think there is no way out and there is no light. You feel overwhelmed. You feel lost. Alone.
That is when it came to me. I am out of that spot. We are out of that hole. Sure I know that stuff will come our way again and there will always be trouble. Always stresses. Who knows I may sit here writing tomorrow about how I can't take something. Sure I feel at the end of my rope with Cooper's sleeping. But he is getting better (YAY!) and life just seems good.
I sighed. Thought about it. We are good. We are not in a hole. As of now we are good. We are happy. God pulled us out. Each and every time He pulled us through. We were broken and I think that we needed to be. We are learning our lessons but now we can see that there is hope at the end of this tunnel. That life is good.
What a relief. A weight came from my shoulders when I thought about it. We are not in a hole. We are going to be ok. Thank you Lord.

Last night

was fun. Went to a stamp party with a few close friends. I loved the fellowship. It was nice to get away from the baby. I love him whole heartedly but it is the times when I am away from him, even when I know he is sleeping, that make me appreciate him so much more.
The hostess said to me, I remember the first time I met you. You got so frustrated and confused with this whole thing that you got up and walked out.
She has told me this before, almost every time I am at one of those. I feel bad every time. I didn't remember doing that. She is a sweet lady. Michelle proceeded to say, yeah I remember that and I remember saying, ok Misty see you later. Michelle said that she knew that was just me. That is what I did.
Geeee.......great........Nice to be known for that. Walking away when things get tough. Makes me feel about this (pinching fingers close together) big. I never realized I was that bad and I am embarased that I was and am. I don't really walk away as much now. I just try to tough it out and figure it out step by step. In any situation. My defense is to run. You know the saying, flight or fight? Yeah I am the one who takes to flight.
Although now I would like to pretend that I am not that bad. That I have come a long way. In my mind and in my nieve little world I have. I try to stick things out. I try to do the best I can. Yeah I still want to hide sometimes. I still want to run and the fight to stay is hard. I try so hard. I hope that I won't be remembered as the one who ran away cause she got too frustrated. I don't want to be that person. I want to be the one who stuck it through to the best of her ability.
I guess I have a lot of work to do. However, like I said, I would like to think I have come further then that now.
I love when she recalls that memory but inside I am so embarased and ashamed of that person. Maybe one day she will say how much I have changed. LOL. One can hope. She really is a neat and fun person. Just sucks that I gave a terrible first impression. Just goes to show that those first impressions last a life time. That was years and years ago. What are you doing to leave your first impression? Time for me to change.

Frequent battle with Prayer

I know I may be nuts but why is it almost every time I try to pray there is a little voice within my head that says why bother? He isn't gonna answer it anyway. Who cares about the problems you are in right now. He isn't gonna answer them.
I know this is a lie. I know that He answers them in His timing and not mine. That is what can be frustrating most of the time.
This may all sound pathetic to you but here goes. I pray for Cooper to have a better nights sleep. And he doesn't. He is waking up like he is a few months old. I just don't get it. I will be sitting on the floor of his room praying for strength to get through this again. I will get through then I will thank Him. However, while I am praying it there is a battle ensuing. (I am sure I spelled that wrong!)
Why is it that I feel like there is no point. Why do I bother? I am not hearing the answers. I don't hear His voice. I used to think I did but lately I am not sure I am.
Last night I asked Phil to get up with Cooper and to do the crying round. I did the mistake of asking if he wanted to. You know what he said? Not really. Not really was his answer. What if I decided that I don't really want to do something around the house or for Cooper. Must be nice to make that comment. I talked to him about it this morning and he said he didn't even remember that. Either it is selective amnesia or he was really asleep. Which wouldn't surprise me because when I went into Cooper's room Daddy was instantly snoring. I don't blame him.
It got me wondering. Is God asking me if I want to do something and I am replying with "not really". I am gonna assume that it is totally non intentional on my part. I then start to wonder if my idea of not hearing God is just me ignoring him. Is He saying something and I am saying, "No God, not really. I don't want to right now." Ouch.
To think I am doing that hurts. Know what I have been discovering? It is easy to walk away. It is easy to stop doing the devotions or reading the blogs or showing a bit of myself out there for the world to see. It is a hell of a lot harder to come back. So then I go back to not doing it. It is so much easier to walk away. It is so much easier to believe that I have justifiable reasons not to read the devotions. To not read blogs. And that reason......they make me think. They make me examine myself and I don't want to go there.
I am a Christian. That means the road is easy now. Doesn't it? HA!!! Or am I? In my heart I know I am but am I showing it? I don't think so. I am letting myself be distracted. But it is SO much easier for me to do that. Then it is for me to sit here and fight the spiritual battle that ensues when I read His word. His message. I get dizzy.
When I pray I get lost. I forget what I was saying and I trail off. I know that He has the power to do anything in my life. That He has pulled me through countless times. What do I show for it? I walk away from the hard stuff.
I would say that I am going back there TODAY. I am trying. But to be honest it sure as heck ain't easy. What kind of example am I setting for my son? Sigh.....
So the battle of praying continues. I just pray that I will be stronger and get through this. I pray that I will be who I am supposed to be. I will pray that I will be a better person of God and to be a better example.
It starts with me, doesn't it??

This is crap!!

My kid has been so out of sorts lately. He cries for naps. I had worked so hard to get him on a routine for nap times and he was doing really well. Now all of a sudden he sucks at falling asleep. He wakes for a hour plus at night.
Yeah, yeah, yeah............I know he is a good baby. Doesn't change or belittle the fact that this is taking a blooming toll on me.
I turned the ringer off on the phone. The stupid phone rang before it got to the turn off setting. Yeah it woke him. 20 minutes is NOT A NAP!! And now he will not go back to sleep.
That's it!! I am becoming a hermit and not coming out of my house! We will get this kid back on schedule. And by we I mean ME. It always is. Sigh.......oh well. Thank God I can be home with him and that Phil is able to provide for us.
Going to get my crank bucket up and deal with an over tired baby. Tonight should be fun!! Grrrrrrrrr

oh and on another note my stupid computer keeps rebooting itself. Need to get it fixed. Don't have any money to do that though. My burner isn't working. What if I lose all of Cooper's baby pictures.
Yeah I have had about enough!!!!!!

9 months

can't believe my baby is nine months today. amazing!!

We got out and went for a family hike

we went up to Bridal Veil falls. It was a hard hike with the baby in the Snugglie. We think he is too big for it now. Gotta use the hiker backpack now. There are a lot of pictures the falls were half frozen. It was amazing. wanted to share

he found his string on his hat. started to chew on it. I love this pic cause you can see how blue his eyes are!


Daddy and Cooper on the frozen ice with the stream of water still moving beneath them.


Cooper was having fun




The half frozen falls




Can you see Daddy and Cooper. Bottom near the left.


Mount Ford on the way back.


It was a beautiful day. I loved it. One to treasure. Perfect.

This IS what overalls are for

isn't it?? I can't believe my husbands teeth are that strong!! Cooper loved it! Was laughing the whole time!!

"I do not understand the mystery of grace--only that it meets us where we are, but does not leave us where it found us."

-Anne Lamott

Isn't she beautiful

Just like her mommy!!

Cooper's new car seat came

I called and asked for a replacement cause the tether strap was fraying and they sent me a new one! Cooper and daddy checked out the box



safe to play in!!


Just the right size for a Cooper!!

My new "addiction"

tinting color onto black and white........Thanks Rod LOL

My Utmost for His Highest today

Why Can I Not Follow You Now?

Peter said to Him, ’Lord, why can I not follow You now?’ —John 13:37

"There are times when you can’t understand why you cannot do what you want to do. When God brings a time of waiting, and appears to be unresponsive, don’t fill it with busyness, just wait. The time of waiting may come to teach you the meaning of sanctification— to be set apart from sin and made holy— or it may come after the process of sanctification has begun to teach you what service means. Never run before God gives you His direction. If you have the slightest doubt, then He is not guiding. Whenever there is doubt— wait."

Grace

To be honest I am not sure I am getting the full meaning of this word. I however can tell you what went through my head at last Sunday's service.
Pastor Susan was talking about Grace. How Christmas was over and done with but she walked out to her living room and saw a present under the tree. She went over to it and looked at the tag. The tag said
"To Susan
Love: God your Father."
She went on to say....."Hmmm...that's intreging let's see what is in it."
Upon opening the gift she saw a note. She picked up that piece of paper and it read:
"To my precious child. I am giving you the gift of my grace. My grace will cover all your sins, everything that has happened in your past. It is sufficient to cover everything you will face in the future. My grace will sustain you. Its a gift for you, its free. You don't have to earn it. You don't have to do anything but just accept it. Even though you may not feel worthy to accept this gift – I am giving it you anyway. I love you."

You know what? While she was talking and reading about this my life was going through my head. A few years ago I was in a really tight spot. A black hole. A place I didn't think I would ever emerge from. And to be honest with you: I wanted to go Home. I didn't want to be here anymore. I wanted to go and be with my Father in Heaven. But God saw it another way. He brought pastor Susan into my life. He brought a lot of great ladies into my life. I began to realize and see that I was loved. I was wanted and God had better plans for me. That through His Grace this healing journey was begun.
As I sit here writing I feel a tug at my pant legs. I look down and a beautiful little boy smiles back up at me. No cares in the world. Just letting me know that he loves me. I smile back at him and he gets down and goes to play. Thanks Cooper. If I had gone through what I wanted to do back then I would not have my own little angel on Earth. I would have missed out on this wonderful blessing and opportunity. I would have let down my husband. My family. My friends. My Father. I am so thankful for His extended hand of Grace. He graciously reached for me and brought me to the place that He needed me to be.
Just this past year has been EXTREMELY rough. I am not going to get into it cause I feel that what I listed above was enough being real for now. BUT......I know that it is only because of God's grace that we have pulled through those spots and it is only by His grace that we are pulling through them now.
I remember someone once asked me how I knew it was God. I said I just do. No one else knows what I need and then we get the gifts that were given to us at just the right time. How the heck else can you explain it? It had to be God. There was no booming voice. There was no hellelujah moment. There was just all of a sudden what we needed at the time. Battling with this person I had to back away from the conversation cause I seriously felt like it was a spiritual battle. I couldn't put it into words. I couldn't explain it any other way but, It had to be God.
The things we received when we did had no better timing. No one else knew. We were silently going through it step by step but God saw it all. He provided too. With Phil working less hours once again I find that I am really not TOO stressed this time around. God provided last time so I just need to have the Fatih that he will provide for us again. That time and time again His never ending Grace will pull us through. I have to believe. I was there before. I was here before. I am here. He did it once I know He will keep doing it time and time again cause we are His. He loves us and He provides for us.
I have a roof over my head, food in my belly, family that loves me and a Father that lifts us up and holds us tight. A Father that knows what we need when we need it. A Father that will be ever so gracious expecting nothing in return.
"is sufficient to cover everything you will face in the future. My grace will sustain you. Its a gift for you, its free. You don't have to earn it. You don't have to do anything but just accept it. Even though you may not feel worthy to accept this gift – I am giving it you anyway. I love you."
Wow. He loves me even though I don't think I deserve it. He thinks and knows that I am worthy. I open the gift with a smile on my face and warmth in my heart. Thank you Father for your Grace. That even though I am not worthy You give it to me with open arms.
What an awesome gift. I am thankful that I accepted it. I know I wouldn't be where I am today if I turned my back on that present and just walked away. Leaving it to never be opened. I love where my life is. I love being a child of God. I love being a wife, a mother, a friend. There is no where else I would rather be. No matter how tight or hard things are getting. I wouldn't trade any of this gift for the world.
Thank you Lord. I love You. Thank you for loving me.