Monday, February 07, 2005

Another Weak

So, here we are the beginning of a new week. Yes I do know I spelled it different in the title. That is how I feel. How do I handle this week? Another week where I won't be able to sleep one full night. That would be nice. I know I am complaining and I shouldn't because I know so many others that get less sleep than me. I am just tired of it and I kinda understand how my best friend feels when she can't get any sleep. Another week where I worry to the point where my stomach jumps into my throat and my hands shake uncontrollably. What if the plans that seem to be going on in my head fall through and don't work the way I hope they might. What if my doctor doesn't agree with what I say and judges me? Then I remember "do not be afraid of any man, for judgment belongs to God" Deuteronomy 1:17 (I've gotten to know this verse). Also, my affirmation slip read "I, Misty, am strong in the Lord" Eph. 6:20. I read it aloud so that I hear myself say it yet something tells me that I am not strong, that I am weak. I try to ignore it. I just can't seem to handle anything lately and I don't know what to do. I am trying to surround myself with music and the Bible yet I am still lost. I am searching for the answers, as I am sure most of us are. I am taking as many steps as I think are necessary but yet it doesn't seem enough. I pray but I feel weird praying for myself. I can't give up though, I know. I am afraid of the outcome and what may happen if I do. So as I start this new week I am shaking and scared.
Lord help me to be strong in you and to let you take control. I want you in my life. Lord thank you for those who protect me and those who love me. Please help me to remain calm and trust in you.
I don't know what else to say. Maybe I just need to take it one day at a time, but it is so hard.


Lori said...

are you depressed? I've been there. If your doctor doesn't agree with you, find another doctor. I've spent years paralyzed by fears. There is a way through it. Call if you ever feel like talking - I've SOOOOOO been there.

Miss-buggy said...

My thing is that I am worried that my doctor will tell me that I can return to my current place of work. I SOOO can't do that!! I would go nuts and feel even more lost than I already do. I'm lost that's all. Trying to find my way back.

Michelle said...

I love that verse "do not be afraid of any man, for judgment belongs to God" (Deuteronomy 1:17) It's one of my favorites, it has helped me many times before. Everything will come together one way or another!!! I know it seems hard in the meantime but you are stronger than you think!!! Do what you can, let people help you and trust the rest to God!!