Wednesday, February 09, 2005

Believing

I was reading Jenns' blog today and what she had wrote has made me stop and think. One of the passages that she wrote was:
The Lord says, "I will rescue those who love me.
I will protect those who trust in my name.
When they call on me I will answer:
I will be with them in times of trouble
I will rescue them and honor them.
I will satisfy them with a long life and give them my salvation."
Psalm 91:1-2,14-16

So........????? That means that no matter what I may have going on in my life He loves me? He is there for me? No matter that good thoughts or the bad? Makes me want to cry. That no matter what, He is there. In my times of trouble and I feel lost and out of control, He is there, waiting for me to find my way back to Him? Why? What the heck did I do to deserve His unconditional love like that? What if I ever get lost so bad that I feel like I can't find my way back? I bet your answer would be that God wouldn't let that happen. He waits for me to listen and trust in Him but why do I find it so hard? He is there in times of trouble? Sure feels like I'm alone and that is the most frightening experience that I could ever go through. But if I were to just stop and trust I would see that He is wispering in my ear telling me that He loves me? Pride keeps you from wanting to let go of things and to no longer keep secrets. Does God want you to let those go? Does He want you to step aside with the whole pride issue and let yourself be vulnerable? Trust in Him. I know there is a verse I am thinking of here but can't quote it quite yet.
Trust. That's a pretty big word. When you find the right ones to trust it makes all the difference in the world. But how do you know? I need to trust God and those who care about me but my selfish pride and fear of being judged or rejected keeps that in. Another well-kept secret that won't be getting out. The only problem is How long would it go on? I amsure that one day God will give me that extra shove then I will spill over, but when? I do love God and I am learning to love Him more completely and wholey than I ever had before. I am growing. I am rescued? I am protected? I am honored? If so why is it so hard to believe? That whole pride thing? Darn pride.
I just thank God that He is patient with me and my struggles as I try to find myself and who I am. I thank God that; yeah He is there, even though I think He surely isn't and doesn't want to worry about my little problems. I am thankful for being loved. I just need to believe it.

2 comments:

James Goudie said...

I am not an expert, but I wanted to share some stuff that I learnt at the grace life conference. I was looking through the pages again recently, that is how I found the worksheet I talked about on my blog. but that is a different story.

God gave His Life for us, in order to give His life to us, in order that He might live His Life through us! Ephesians 1:7 Romans 5:10

With Christ at our center we will live life victoriously. It seems to me that you are stressing yourself out. Remember god is 100% pleased with you. he won't give up on you.

Jenn said...

Hey Misty, one thing I've learnt is that the more you fill your mind with God's word and His promises the more you will begin to truly believe it. Don't put down your bible, there are so many wonderful promises He wants to show you!