Check out the funny hair do!!

and it did it on it's own....LOL
(not to mention, how I love his blue eyes!!)

Done Christmas decorating

The lights are white. The tree.










This little tree has colored lights.

I love my computer BUT.....

it is driving me CRAZY!!! It shuts down on it's own and restarts. My computer guy [:)] says that I don't have enough ram. So here I am ready to throw the darn thing out the window but I know I would go crazy without it so I am grateful for it.
Putting up Christmas decorations right now and I can't have any Christmas music playing cause it takes up too much room and shuts down. Just doesn't feel the same without the music. :(

Just came out from the warm building




Too cold mommy! Let's go in. (the wind chill was even cold for mommy)




note from my mommy: awwwww....I feel horrible! He looks so sad. We were outside for a total of like 5 minutes. He was smiling I swear he was!! I didn't even know it was windy. couldn't hear it from here!

SNOW, SNOW, I LOVE SNOW!!

It snowed last night! I am UNBELIEVABLY excited!! Just like a little kid!

It's SNOWING!!

and I love it!!
I will take pics tomorrow. Should be an interesting drive to church. I heard that it is supposed to snow all week, except Wednesday.
I need some snow pants for my little boy and boots. Hehe....because I can. Want to keep him warm. He took the snow out of my hand today and squished it in his own then threw it. Hehehe...knows how to do snowballs already :D

7 months old

My little angel turned 7 months on the 16th! How time flies!


(sorry it's blurry, I blame the camera!!)

My standing boy

I know it is grainy and I did try to fix it but :P I got to make dinner. But I thought I would share the pic. I love how he is biting his lower lip. He has been doing that lately. Cute.

Reaching out

You know, I was going back over some things lately. Reading some of my old poems and stuff. I am not in a black hole. I have been reaching for some help but while reading one of my poems it occured to me that I am not reaching for the right kind of help. That I need to be reaching to God and for God rather then people. God will not let me down and he will lead the way. Just some of the verses of this poem struck me. He is warmth, love, patience and kindness. Why haven't I been reaching for Him.
I have been chosing not to be personal with my blogs. Just never found the point of it anymore. Then a friend pointed out that I am not doing it for others, I am doing it for myself. Why didn't I see that?
I have chosen to busy myself with things that don't relate to God or, in actuality, things that don't make me think. Things that make me have to examine myself cause I don't have the time. Sure I have the time or else I wouldn't be blogging. I need to get back. I realize that. I have tried before but in my mind failed. Then I wonder why I even bother cause I am getting distracted too easily.
I know that God is faithful. I know that He provides. I personally believe my life right now is a walking example of that. I am so thankful too. I think maybe going back and reading some of my old poetry has reminded me who I really need to reach for. I need to reach for Him. His warmth, His love, His strength, His faith, His never tiring or faultering arms. Thank you Lord that You are so faithful and that You are holding Your hands to me. Here I am reaching back to You.
There is no title to this poem. And like I said, I am not down or out. I am not in a dark hole. I just loved remembering the love. I am reaching for help and now I think I have realized where it is I need to extend that hand to.


You are thrown to the
ground and engulfed by
the black hole abyss,
There seems to be
no feasable way around it.
You lay there wondering
what to do next?
All around you is nothing
but black empty space
the takes the breath and
life right out of you.
You reach as high as you
can muster with all
your strength.
You feel the warmth on
your cold, clammy fingers.
You feel the warmth and
the touch of love
Love is reaching back to
you while you lie in
wait wondering.
Love will no let go of
you and let you
disappear into the great
unknown,
Love holds you so faithfully
and strong, never tiring
or giving up even when
you get weak.
Love will help pull you
out of this dark hole
slowly, step by step, and
will never turn it's
back on you.
Love is patient, kind and
ever so understanding.
You are loved. You do matter
Slowly you start to feel
yourself coming away from
the black hole abyss.

Feb. 16, 2005

Tired of it all

This is a vent. If any cares ;)

I am tired of it all. Tired of feeling alone when I am in a crowded room. Tired of wondering if I wasn't blogging would anyone care? Tired of feeling like I am just a boring person.
Just over all tired of everything.
People who I thought were friends seem to be non existent. Don't seem to want to be near me or around me anymore. Why? What did I do?
I started blogging a long time ago and didn't really get the point to it. Then I began to love doing it but am now at the point of wondering why I even bother. I am having a conversation with myself. Does anyone care? It is like if I don't bear a part of myself I don't matter. I have to dish the crap out first. Have been feeling this way for a while. Hence the reason why there are no insightful posts. Lost touch with that part of me.
My son is my life. I write about him a lot and it just seems like no one really cares about it and that is fine cause I am not doing it for you.
I always thought, if you don't like it don't read it. I guess that is where it is now. No one likes it so no one reads it so why do I bother anymore?
The people that I thought were friends just seem to want nothing to do with me. No matter how many times I reach out. I have been wanting to reach out to people but am tired of feeling like a burden and tired of feeling shuned. If you think this blog is about you you are probably wrong. You can send me an email and ask but you are probably wrong.
I understand how hectic life is, heck my kid is screaming to get up and I am not wanting to get him up cause these 6am wake up times are rediculous.
Why do I bother reaching out? Cause that is what God needs us to do. But I am tired of reaching out and feeling nothing but space. Do you care? Does it matter? I don't care anymore. I am done with it. I am just tired of it all. Want to find rest but that is just impossible. I don't want sympathy I don't want pity. Want to know how I am feeling? Here it is. Will probably end up being deleted like so many times before but this is where I am at and I hate it. I hate feeling like "another brick in the wall". I wish I didn't feel this way. I wish that when I reached out to some people I felt something back. I wish that when I reached for God too I felt His hand take mine. I can't feel it. What is wrong with me?
Just tired of it all.

What a wonderful way to wake up!

Seriously.
The alarm went off. There was a song just starting Phil rolled over and cuddled. It was "our" song. Our wedding song.
Sammy Kershaw's "Love of My Life."
Of course in my half asleep stupor I said that would make a beautiful wedding song. Once it was over. My husband says, that was our wedding song. I don't know you anymore. (totally joking of course. At least I think ;) ) I said, DUH!! That is why I loved it and totally reconized it.
Perfect way to say good morning.

LOVE OF MY LIFE
Sammy Kershaw

You are the love of my life
And you are the reason I'm alive
And baby, baby, baby
When I think of how you saved me
I go crazy.

I've never known love like this
And it fills me with a new tenderness
And I know, I know, I know
You're in my heart, you're in my soul
You're all I can't resist.

And I need to tell you
The first time I held you I knew
You are the love of my life

I spent a lifetime waiting
always hesitating until you
I was lost so deep inside my shell
'Til you came and saved me from myself
Now all I really know is I need you.

And you are the love of my life
All the joy and tears that I cry
And baby, baby, baby
You don't have to say a word
I see it in your eyes.

As we stand together
I promise forever 'til the day that I die
You are the love of my life.

--- Instrumental ---

I spent a lifetime waiting
Always hesitating until you
I was lost so deep inside my shell
'Til you came and saved me from myself
Now all I really know is I need you.

You are the love of my life
And you are the reason I'm alive...

Cooper is staying rear facing as long as possible

no matter how crazy I may look or sound. Now it makes me wish we researched the carseats a little better. Rather then getting one that was a little less expensive and seemed the same as the more expensive one. Why do I do this to myself? I hope my kid is safe. I believe he is.

This is a video showing why rear-facing is so much safer than forward-facing. It shows crash tests of both and you can see the enormous difference it makes on a child...please check it out!!
http://youtube.com/watch?v=kRP7ynNI8mI

HA!!!!

funny phone call this morning!!! (My words are in blue)

riiiiiinnnnngggggggggg.........
Hello?

Hi. Is your mom or dad there?

Pardon me?

Is your mom or dad there?

ummmmmmm.........I am the woman of the house hold.

(she laughs a giddy, nervous laugh)You sound so young. Sorry. This is...............

and the conversation continues. Looking back I should have said, sorry they aren't in right now can I take a message? LOL! Geesh!! I don't sound that young do I? I do sound like a frog cause of my cold but COME ON!! That is definately a new one.

Calling on the body of Christ

I attend a moms group on Friday mornings. I love the ladies there and it is a great start to the day.
This is why I am calling on all of you to pray.
One of the moms has a 1 and a half year old and was expecting twins. She was 25 weeks along and went into labour. She had two very beautiful girls named Faith and Makaila. So that is 15 weeks early if my math is right.
Apparently the girls aren't doing too well. Karyn, the mom, was saying that Faith has a blood infection and Makaila has a lung infection. This family really needs all of our prayers.
Please help me in lifting them up in prayer today. Any moment of the day if we can just stop and send up a prayer. I am going to say one here but as usual feel free to say what ever moves you to do so.
You can follow their journey here.
Thank you

Heavenly Father.
I come before you today with a lot on my heart and Karyn and her family is one of them. I just pray for them to be lifted into Your loving arms and feel Your presence. I pray for a miracle in these two precious little baby girls. Your gift from above. I pray for things to just start miraculously getting better for these little angels. That Your touch is ever so evident to all of us and that it just amazes the doctors. I pray for Your blessing on this wonderful family. Lord, thank you for their gift. Precious twin girls. Amazing in itself. I just hold them to you today and everyday.
In Your precious name we pray.
AMEN

new teeth

see the dates? yeah it has been a fun few days round here!!

ok. I thought this was funny

we are in trouble. Someone was motoring around this morning and found daddy's shoes. I didn't realize until I saw his face. Can you see it??

ok. I thought this was funny

we are in trouble. Someone was motoring around this morning and found daddy's shoes. I didn't realize until I saw his face. Can you see it??

tink.......tink........tink........tink...tink...tink
The sound of the rain pounding on my car. First it starts off slowly and barely audible. Then all of a sudden the wind kicks up. The rain pelts down on my side windows coming at the vehicle sideways. I give my son a kiss on the forehead then get into the drivers seat. The wind kicks up yet again. The rain gets louder. Pulling out of the driveway. Trying to make a left turn. Fun times! Considering the second MVA I was ever in was in the rain making a left hand turn. My dad was driving.
So starts the drive. I hate driving in the rain. Even more behind semi trucks. My first MVA was when I was driving behind a semi in the rain and then lost control and did a ping pong ball effect between two meridians. I had been heading east bound but when the car finally came to a stop I was facing west. Just missed the bridge and missed all other vehicles.
Hate is a strong word but it is a necessary one. I hate the rain. I hate driving in it. I hate being passenger in it. I love puddle stomping but hate it when it is me in a car. I think I have every reason to.
White knuckled hands embrace the steering wheel so that I can get where I am going. Gotta drive. Can't avoid it every day. A semi merges into my lane and I have a moment of panic. But I stick to the road. What happens if he were to hit me? Would my baby be ok? What would happen if we were in an accident? Would the ambulance separate us? All thoughts in the matter of seconds.
Then it came to me. Pray.
So I did. Driving the speed limit down the road asking God to get us safely to our destination. The mist and cloudy dreary look of the sky. The lack of ability to see. I am doing 80. Three car lengths behind the person in front of me. In the slow lane. Still doesn't stop the many other drivers from sucking up on my bumper. The only thing I see in my mirror is grill. I pray again. They fly past me. I am amazed they don't lose control. Hands clutching the steering wheel, music off and focused on the road.
Thinking about my baby sound asleep in the back. Secured in his specially designed seat. Praying and knowing that we are safe. That we will make it to our destination.
So we made it. Thank God. We are safe. Thank God. I just get scared every time and now that there is a baby in the car the need to be that much safer is evident.
Thank you God that you are there to listen to the little prayers. The little ones over and over that I mutter. Thank you that you listen. Thank you that you care. Thank you that we are safe.
One day I won't be afraid anymore. Right??

There are so many things going on right now! I need to talk it out. It is all petty stuff but enough to make me feel stressed out.

1. I have to go to the dentist tonight in 1.5 hours. 6:00pm. So, I am tryingto get milk for Cooper. Thank God I have frozen stuff. But now it is a matter of restocking what I am taking out and that is tough.

2. My MIL is coming to watch Cooper for the first time. I have to lay everything out for her and go over what needs to be done and what she can do. I know sounds dumb but that is what I need to do in order to keep my sanity. I have to explain how we do the bottle. To take another one out of the freezer if needed.

3. My husband isn't home tonight. It would be so much simpilar if he was. (I keep thinking about my milk. Must increase supply) Trying to figure out how to get our friends car out to them when he is done working on it. Thinking that they need to come here and get it.

4. There is a retreat we were invited to this weekend. I want to go. Not sure if Phil still wants to. Someone has paid for us. Wow. So now we should be going. Just didn't think it would be so hard to plan a day away from my son. What he needs. When to bring him up to us so that I can feed him. I don't know what to do. What time to drop him off at the Aunts house.

5. To top it all off Cooper has spat up on almost every nice shirt I have. Teach me to wear things that made me feel normal. So I am worried that they are all stained. A few of them I keep trying to get it out but hasn't worked yet. So what am I going to do? I am running out of shirts. Looks like I have to wear a summer one to the dentist.

6. My poor kids teeth are buggin him and he is a wee bit fussy.

sigh...thanks I think that is it for now. I need to go and get things ready for tonight....why do I feel so stressed out? It isn't like the retreat is tomorrow. I have two days to try to get milk to replace the other stuff. It's not like I don't have any in the freezer. Just didn't think it would take so much brain power to go away for a day. Not sure if I can handle leaving him that long. I can do it. Can I?

Yesterday Payton and I....

baked Cookies while Cooper and Michelle had a bit of a nap. It was fun! Cooper woke up just in time for the first batch to finish. It was a nice Auntie and Payton moment.

Cooper got presents all the way from Germany

Check it out!!

OH MY!!! He crawled TO me....

on purpose!! Cooper was fussy. Just woke up from his nap. I asked him, what's up? I said, "cooper, Milk?" While signing it and put my hands down to his level and asked again. "Do you want milk (insert sign here) and he came right to me! I take that as a yes!! That was cool!

GROSS!!

*warning* Not for the queesy.
Ahhh...life with a baby...
In Cooper's defense it was my own fault. I was playing with him, up in the air and tickling him. He just ate. Silly Mommy! So up in the air he goes and out comes the milk! I had just taken my glasses off so that he wouldn't be pulling at them. And where did the vomit go? RIGHT INTO MY RIGHT EYE!! In my hair, down my back and arm too. So in the exersaucer he went. In front of the bathroom door and into the shower I went!
You know those videos where you see the baby throw up on the adult? I used to laugh. NOT ANYMORE!! EWWWWWWW!!!!!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

From Cooper!
My friend sent me a halloween costume. It is so soft and I love the orange.

Mommy's little boy

My son is a water baby!!

Just like his mommy! Do you think he is enjoying his tub?!!

I am having so much fun!!

Making my own baby food!
I just finished the peas. Am working on the carrots and will go to apples and blueberries next. I am having so much fun! And knowing what is in my sons food makes me feel good too. It is so easy and fun. I am glad that as of now I can do it!

I grossed out Sue and Phil

as you may remember Cooper has a cold. There are many times that I have to use the suction bulb just so that he can breathe. *Warning....not for the queesy....* I was at my friends house and he was all plugged up and of course I didn't have the suction bulb with me. What was I to do. My kid couldn't breathe. He was over tired but couldn't fall asleep cause he just couldn't get the air in.

so what did I do????

I layed him on the big bed and held down his arms then put my mouth completely over his nose *warning....gross* sucked. I would suck then check. The wipe with the kleenex. A few round of that and he was all clear.
Yes it is gross but my son was able to breathe and slept for an hour. I would do it again in a heart beat. Anything for my little boy.

Daily Christian Wisdom

Prayer is the most powerful means of overcoming any kind of discouragement. It connects you with an omnipotent, omniscient Father who loves you unconditionally, who sees where you are and is going to help you in it.

-Charles Stanley

motoring along

So Cooper is just a motoring along. It is cute actually. Well today I had to put a lock on the kitchen cupboard. You know the one. With the garbage in it and the chemicals. It is neat to see him truckin along. He sees something, gets a look at it then decides he wants it and he is OFF!!
Guess we are baby proofing more as we go. He will let me know. Just need to watch the little man. What do I do with the kitty litter though?

Yep complaining again

no wonder barely anyone reads this blog anymore.

It is 1am. Cooper has been up for a hour and a half. A child being sick sucks! Tried the acetaminephen and then Phil tells me that he is not sure if that will make him drowsy or not. May break the slight fever. Nope, not drowsy. The couch cusions are on the floor of his room with the blanket over them and my pillow just calling for me. But Cooper has other plans.
Supposed to go to my MIL's today. Not going. Not answering the phone. Don't want to go online. Don't want to be around ANYONE. Yes I am a grump. So be it.

In for a long night

Last night he got up three times. Totally unlike him. I am totally zonked. He barely ate at all today. Turns out he has a bit of a cold. AGAIN! Poor kid!!
It is 10:54 pm. He went down at about 8:30 pm. This is awake #3. Daddy pulled out a blanket and went to crash on his floor so mommy could get some sleep cause I am at the end of this rope that seems to get shorter and shorter. Every time he falls asleep he gets stuffy. So the matress is elevated. Gave in and gave him tylenol. Daddy has him on his chest. He is screaming. Sigh....we are in for a long night.
Pray.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

5:58 am
He has decided that he should be up. sigh. We were up a total of 9 times last night. I took over just after writing the blog for Daddy. I told him to go to bed. I slept on the floor of Cooper's room. The first few hours of the night was every hour being awake. Once it was even twice a hour. Poor little guy gets congested and can't breathe. There was a stretch where we got 2 hours.
Needless to say I am so tired I could cry. I probably will. Yes I am whining. Yes I am complaining but (warning: grump in me coming out and after last night I am sure you can understand why I feel grumpy) if you don't like it then come back another day when I can be all cheery and bubbly for you. Cause today it just aint gonna happen!
Lord give me strength. and sleep..........

A sad morning of Sorts

I had to lower Cooper's crib matress this morning. It kinda makes me sad. Just means he is growing up. No, he isn't pulling himself up yet so I really didn't have to worry but I kept having these nightmares that he would fall out of his crib cause the matress was too high. And I had a terrible gut feeling that he would hurt himself so rather then waiting for that to happen I lowered the matress.
It is weird. Now he can see through the crib over the bumperpad. I still didn't take it out yet cause he likes to push his head against it so the top of his head is up against it so I would rather that in there then not. He could reach the top of it when the crib was higher too.
Sigh...first cereal, soon veggies, scooting around the house (almost figured out the moving of the hands) and now the crib! So sad.
But man is it ever amazing to watch and I am so glad that I am priveledged enough to be able to. Where's my baby?

My Quiz

Copying this from a couple of friends of mine Kristy and Christy. Thanks girls!! hehe


1. What is your occupation? Wife and Mom
2. What color is your underwear? brown with flowers :)
3. What are you listening to right now? Cooper grunting away trying to figure out how to crawl.
4. What was the last thing you ate? meatloaf, potatoes, carrots & sausages (no wonder I am so tubby!! :P)
5. Do you wish on stars? Yes.
6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? blue
7. How is the weather right now? the sun just went down. Sunny today.
8. Last person you spoke to on the phone? Phil
9. Do you like the person who sent this to you? Yes!
10. How old are you today? I don't know. 27 I think :P
11. Favorite drink? milk. Chocolate or white
12. Favorite sport to watch? Gymnastics
13. Have you ever dyed your hair? Yes
14. Do you wear contacts or glasses? Glasses
16. Favorite food? Garlic bread & Spaghetti
17.What was the last movie you watched? X-Men 3
18. Favorite day of the year? April 16. or Christmas
19. What do you do to vent anger? punch a pillow
20.What was your favorite toy as a child? my barbie
21. Fall or Spring? Fall I love the crispness of the air and the colors
22. Hugs or kisses? Hugs
23. Cherry or Blueberry? Blueberry
24. Do you want your friends to answer this? Either way.
25. Who is most likely to respond? Michelle
26. Who is least likely to respond? Josh
27. Living arrangements? Condo with husband and sonyou cried? This morning.
29. What is on the floor of your closet? do laundry baskets count?
30. Who is the friend you have had the longest? Ciara, Michelle
31. What did you do last night? Hung out with Phil, Sue and Dennis. Put baby to bed. Put myself to bed early.
32. Favorite smell? cedar wood, fresh cut grass and first rain fall on a summers day all rank up there
33. What inspires you? my sons smile (me too Christy!!)
34. What are you afraid of? SPIDERS!!
28. When was the last time you cried? This morning
35. Plain, cheese or spicy hamburgers? Cheese
36. Favorite car? Dodge Ram 1500 quad cab with a hemi under the hood!!
37. Favorite dog breed? never owned a dog but I think I like boxers
38. Number of keys on your key ring? 10? I think. Too lazy to get up and find them :P
39. How many years at your current job? wife: 5 years, mother: 6 months
40. Favorite day of the week? Sunday
41. How many states have you lived in? 1
42. How many cities have you lived in? 5?
43. Ever driven a Motorcycle or Heavy Machinery? Nope


HAVE FUN!!

Yet Again - I feel lost

I don't get it. I believe that I understand prayer. I believe in miracles, I believe in gifts from God and I believe that prayers get answered. So why am I at the point where I don't believe? Where I think that praying is totally hopeless? What is wrong with me?
I know prayer works. I know it deep down in my heart but I find myself lacking faith in the small prayers. Yet I am hesitant to write this cause then God will know what I am thinking and how I am feeling. Wait a minute! Who am I talking about here! He knows me better then I know myself. So is He going to punish me? Is He going to take away every blessing that He has given us? I sure as heck hope not!!
He is guiding us through situations and hardships. I know He is. There is just no other way to explain it. So why do I feel like I lack the faith? Why do I feel like I can't pray. Am I punishing myself? I obviously have more questions then answers. Afraid to ask the questions cause I am afraid of God being like an earthly person. "You don't believe? You don't want to pray? Then Forget it. I am taking it away. Stopping these steps you are taking." Why the heck am I feeling that way?
I can literally feel the battle. As you may be able to read it in my words. To pray or not to pray. That is the question.
I feel so lost. I keep praying for others. I will catch myself praying for the little things and while I am praying I can hear, "why bother asking about that. You just know that it isn't going to happen." I fight it. In my heart I know I do. I feel it. So I keep praying but then find myself asking why.
WHY?

"because this is where I want you."

What is with this battle? I can't fight this battle anymore.

"When you are weak I Am strong. You can fight this because I give you the strength."

So why don't I believe?

"It's not a matter of you not believing it is a matter of you wanting it in your own timing. But your timing is not My timing. Be patient My child. I am working it all out for your good."

You believe me right? You know that I believe in you right? You know that I don't want to let this faith leave? You know that I love you right?

"I know. I created you. I know your heart better then you know yourself. I know that you will have struggles but that is what I need in order for you to come closer to Me. Do not step away from Me. Keep fighting. I am your leader. I am your strength. I will never leave you. You will never be lost because I am your guide."

I love you.

"and I you My child. I you. I believe in you. You make me pleased."

WHOA....where the heck did that come from? Why do I have tears? God, was that you? Are you talking to me? I love you. I am sorry. Maybe I am not really as lost as I feel I am.

Thanks for the gentle reminder God

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."
- Proverbs 3:5-6

"Baby Weight"

I know, I know........It took 9 months to put on, it will take a year to get off. YEAH YEAH YEAH!!
Still doesn't help the way I feel. :P
I was walking every day. Now I have lost all ambition. I used to push my friend to go out for a walk, now she pushes me. :D
I need to start to get in shape. Have no ambition although I hate the way I look. Hate that I am still in maternity pants cause I am still too large for my regular clothes. I guess I shouldn't complain when I have no desire to work out. I don't want to lose my milk.
Maybe I will start jogging around the track tomorrow. Nah....How about next week??

Prayer

Warning: *venting.

Why is it that sometimes the smallest prayer doesn't get answered? I know that prayer is a powerful thing. I am a witness to that in my own life and I see it answered in the lives of people I love and care about.
But why is it that sometimes when I say the smallest prayer it just doesn't seem to get answered. Then I get to the point of wondering why I bother.
I hope you know what I mean. I am not looking to have sympathy or to have biblical verses thrown at me. I just get so frustrated and confussed. I know within a hour or two I will want to delete this post but for right now it is a venue for me to let it out.
I know that He doesn't answer EVERY prayer and He has a reason for not doing so. But sometimes I just wonder. Like this morning. I hope He doesn't get mad at me. I have been told that He is not that kind of Father. But being human I fear that I will no longer be blessed just because I am complaining about one small thing. But He knows me better then myself so I guess He knew my questions and doubt were coming.

Cooper Crawling

yeah, yeah, yeah...another video. This one is a little long. Just over 4 minuts. Cause mommy kept pulling the toy away so he would crawl further. Bad mommy! (insert blushing face here) Ignore my voice! LOL

Cooper giggles

I have discovered that he likes it when you take an empty margarine container (or tupperware) and spin it on the floor. For some reason he gets a big kick out of it. Ahhh.....kids....simple things.........

Cooper's first trip to the pumpkin patch

He saw bunnies, goats, pigs, llamas and lots of pumpkins. In the process though we lost a shoe. :( One of my favorites. Oh well, he was almost too big for them anyway.

Every Time

It never fails. Every time I feel my faith start to dwindle and I ask myself why I even bother God shows himself. Time and time again.
Today it came in the form of a gift from a friend. Perfect timing. Little did she know. But God knew. Even though yesterday was a weakness and I lost my control over a situation that lately I have been able to understand and just be faithful that He would pull us through. I started wondering why. How? When?
It may not come that day, or the next day. But it may. It may take weeks or months but it always happens. A moment in which God whispers, "I am here. I hear you. I feel your pain and understand your hesitation."
No matter how I feel He is faithful. He has really been showing Himself in our lives lately. Every time I learn more and more that He is taking care of us that He loves us and cares. He hurts with us. He rejoices with us. He is in us.
Thank you to my friend.
Thank you to My Father. Thank you Lord.

I got thanked today

for being such a good Mommy. (insert blushing face here...)
I went to ICBC to get them to install Cooper's car seat correctly. Well, to make sure I had done it right. To say that I am a little paranoid is an understatement. I am totally anal.
Yesterday we went out to POCO to go to the bigger babies r us to see if they had the one I liked. Of course they didn't. So back to plan A. Canadian Tire. There happened to be one across the street! So Sue and I went in to get the seat. She preoccupied Cooper while I fought with getting it installed. That in itself is no easy task.
There...done. So we go up the hill and find the fire station. Outside of it there just happened to be 4 firefighters. And I am going to be so bold as to say, they weren't too bad looking at all!! :P
They checked it over and said it looked good. By the time I got home the blanket had settled enough for it to be leaning too far forward. So I put in the pool noodles. They were too narrow. So off to ICBC I went.
He just made the blanket a little thicker and Voila!! It was done. Then before leaving he decided to thank me for being such a good mom. The fact that I was anal was good. He said that I actually had the car seat good and tight.
In my heart I know that I am doing a good job with Cooper. Daddy tells me all the time. But for a complete stranger to tell me I was shocked and blushed a little too. Hehe.
Yeah, I am totally anal when it comes to car seats. Ask anyone that knows me. But man my kid is safe! What a nice compliment to start the day!

I think Cooper likes his carseat too!! Once he is in and we are on the go!

What is our world coming to?

When I was a kid we could walk to school. I walked to elementary school every day. Rode my bike to high school. We would go outside after school and play. Get called in for dinner then go back out until it was dark. We could go to the park by ourselves. We could walk to the mall or the corner store by ourselves.
Now it is so different. I don't even like to drive far by myself!!
This morning I found myself angry with how the world is going. There is no way Cooper will walk to school by himself. Or play out in the local park by himself. There are weirdos out there that try to take our kids. Or other people who make me angry are the ones that use our parks for drugs or other illegal acts! There is no purity in anything anymore.
This morning the news was on. I heard them mention Mill Lake then it was like huh? and my attention was turned to it right away.
A woman out walking her dog around the lake found a skeleton head. REALLY? In my town? Gun shots ring out around our building. A body found in a normally quiet and picturesque Lake.
Going for a walk around it today, because of course I am human and my interest is peaked as to where at the lake it was found. I round a corner to see cop cars and police tape restricting the area. Dive teams are supposedly coming today to search the lake for more remains. This lake is unsafe for swimming cause the ducks have taken over. Now it just seems all the more unsafe. I don't go out by myself. Especially at night. I always thought the lake was safe. There are people around. Plus I only walk with Cooper during the day. I have my cell phone readily available. But now there is no longer that sense of safety there.
What is our world coming to?

He's got a pretty big hat to fill.....

Find the baby.........

Is there something wrong with me?

Do I just not feel anymore? Do I not know how to cry anymore? What happened?
There was an emotional moment today and I felt the tears well up but nothing. They didn't fall. Lately I would feel like I am about to cry then nothing would happen. What is wrong with me? I do have a heart, really I do. But there is no tears left I don't think.
All these years pushing down the tears and fighting the emotion. Do I just not have it left anymore? What have I done?
Hopefully I don't come across as heartless or emotionless, cause I do feel the emotion just nothing comes out of it.
Hmmmm.....{raising eyebrows}

Such a happy morning

Poor little boy

I know I talk about him all the time but how can I NOT!! HEHE LOL

My poor little angel. He has a cold. ANOTHER ONE!!! GRRRRRRR.........
It can't be normal for a kid to get this many colds being so young can it?? He now has a stuffy nose. He has had the runs for almost a week now. I am not rushing to the doctors cause my intsinct (haha, that one was for you Kristy) tells me that it is just a cold. My experience anyway. Man! This kid must be getting a lot of immunities from all the stupid colds he has had! I think I was sick a lot as a child. I had ear infections really bad. Hopefully he doesn't get those!!! He is back in bed! He slept ALL night! You know he must be sick!
Poor Cooper


*on a side note: I am going to allow annonymous comments. But I ask for you to leave your name at the end of your comment and if it gets crazy like it has for some of my friends it will be removed. :D

I am totally and utterly blown away!

First let me start by saying that GOD IS GOOD!!

My old job, which I haven't been at for about a year and a half now, was one that I ended up dreading going to. If you are a regular reader of mine you will remember that I quit there. I was basically given notice that I had one more chance to not screw up and if I messed up I would be fired. Months prior to that my doctor had tried telling me that I had depression. Yes I said the word. Depression. I ignored it, as a matter of fact I think this may be one of the first times I have ever mentioned it to my readers. Then when this happened I went totally downhill. Not going to get into the details cause it doesn't pertain to what I am writing. Just will say that I ended up on a medical leave from work due to stress and then I ended up just quitting and finding a new job.
I didn't think I was liked there. Thought I was an odd ball and that people didn't really like me. I didn't think anyone would notice that I was gone. I worked at Value Village.
Today I went there to find some diaper covers for cloth diapers, yes I am going to try them. I have remained friends with and kept in contact with one person in particular there. She saw me and told me not to go anywhere. I was like, why you going on lunch?
Next thing I know I am getting called to the middle metal doors. When it has been that long since working there I tell you it is weird to hear my name called over the loud speaker. So I go to them. I see all the girls I worked with and got to know over the almost two years I was there step out and hand me a card. What's this? I ask.
I opened it. It was a congratulatory card on the birth of Cooper. Now that shocked me enough. What was inside was enough to almost make me cry. I say almost cause I still haven't cried. I think the adrenaline is pumping still.
My friend knew and saw how times were hard for us. I guess she told the girls. The girls gave me $300 gift certificate to superstore!! $300!!! HOLY CRAP!!! I was and still am totally and utterly blown away. My face went red and I fought the tears. I hugged each one of them.
Walking home I kept praising God. I kept thanking God. MAN IS HE GOOD!! I really don't believe in coincidences anymore. I am sorry but there is no other way to explain it then it being God. WOW!!
Needless to say, I am getting my son food (he starts it soon), food for ourselves. And on a long shot there MIGHT be a car seat there. We'll see.... WOW.
TOTALLY AND UTTERLY BLOWN AWAY!!!

Choices

We have all done them. We will always continue to do them. Some that make us shake our heads at the fact that we ever even chose that specific thing. Some that make us laugh and some that even make us feel like we did the right thing.
I have made a choice that in my heart has been eating at me. I have chosen to step sideways from God. I don't know why and maybe that is something that I will have to examine. I know I did it though. I would rather be online with friends and on a message board I am a part of. Don't get me wrong. I have made some good friendships there and gotten through some things as well. But in the process I have shut out God. I stopped doing the devotional. I even skipped passed the ones I received in my email. I don't read the bible anymore. It has always confused me and then I always ended up with more questions then answers. I learned last night that we are meant to come up with questions. That if we had all the answers about God He really wouldn't seem that amazing to us.
So on my way home last night I made a conscious decision to turn around this boat before I start sinking in further. Yet here I am writing a blog! LOL.
I have decided to step back from my message forum. I have decided to sit down and read the devotions. Even though with each sentence I seemed to get more and more dizzy, I read them. I am not looking for a pat on the back or a good for you. If either of those are received I think that my message isn't getting out as I would like it.
In a way I created a hole. Talking to people who didn't know the real me that way they couldn't hold me accountable. I enjoy the new friends I have made. They have helped me through many new motherhood things, but at the same time I have not allowed my close friends to help me through the same situations because I relied solely on the message forum. That was wrong.
I have realized that I have made choices recently that are mistakes. So driving home I have asked for the help to reconnect with Him. Going to devote more time to God. More time to my son. More time to my friends. More time my husband.
I got sucked in so to speak. I allowed myself to step away. Now it is time to come back and discover why I have chosen to do what I did. Time to accept the truth. Time to come back to who I was and am.
I don't know if this made any sense at all. The main thing is that I had made a choice and it was not right. So now I am making the choice to include Him more in my day. More in my life. Giving Him the control.
I just pray that He helps me along the way to be strong and to stay strong.
Don't know if this post will stay or not. But this is where I am at right now.

Daily Christian Wisdom

The gospel is like a lion. It doesn't need to be protected, it needs to be turned loose.


-Unknown

OH MY!!!

My son is almost crawling!! He gets up on all fours burys his face into his little soccer ball then scoots forward! He has been going backwards for a few days now. He is growing so fast. (Sniff...sniff)

This is a smile. Starting....


Up on all fours. Pushing his face into the ball


moving forward




DID YOU SEE THAT MOMMY!!!

ODB quote (our daily bread) for today

"Putting your faith in the living God takes the fear out of living."

Face Down

Heard this song today in church. One line really struck me, well the whole song did but still...
"and I'll fall face down,
As Your glory shines around."

When I first heard the music start to play I reconized the song and stood up to sing with it. There was a time when you would never catch me standing to sing along with a song. But now I will stand up when it moves me to do so. Rarely would I ever put my arms in the air to worship further. I would always peak open my eyes to make sure that I wasn't the only one doing the above actions. Making sure I wasn't drawing attention to myself by being the only one standing with arms raised up. Today as I sang with this song, eyes closed, standing I felt it. The light that shone down. His light filled the room. The room was dark in behind my closed eyes. Then along with those lines I seemed to have seen it. I could see the light that the song was talking about.
Not scary just a brightness and a sense of warmth that wrapped it's arms around this community of believers. I smiled when I heard the voices around me singing. I was never one who liked to sing too loudy because I know that I can't sing. I know that I didn't have a "proper" voice. Then around me I heard it. The voices, out of tune, loud and sincere. All around me, different tones, different volumes. With eyes closed I took it all in while providing my own out of tune words. With eyes closed I sang along, I felt the Glory, I felt and heard the pure, true worship.
Then it came to me. It doesn't matter how well we can sing. We are praising Him. It doesn't matter who sees you with your hands raised, He sees you. It doesn't matter if you are the first to stand, maybe someone who was too afraid will follow your actions but God sees you. He raises you to your feet for His glory. For His pleasure. Lift the hands up towards Heaven. You just might feel God reaching back.
Today in essence I was falling face down. I was letting His glory surround me. I was fighting back the tears. I had arms raised in praise. I had God. I felt God. I heard God. What an awesome feeling.


Facedown

Welcomed in to the courts of the King
I've been ushered in to Your presence
Lord, I stand on Your merciful ground
Yet with every step tread with reverence

And I'll fall facedown
As Your glory shines around
Yes, I'll fall facedown
As Your glory shines around

Who is there in the heavens like You?
And upon the earth, who's Your equal?
You are far above, You're the highest of heights
We are bowing down to exalt You

So let Your glory shine around
Let Your glory shine around
King of glory, here be found

-Matt Redman

I need to complain - Don't respond

What a morning.
None of my pre-pregnancy jeans fit. So I am still wearing my maternity jeans which are too big. But yet I can't get into my old clothes just yet. No shirts that are long enough to cover the pudge.
My shoulder hurts so bad that I am almost in tears. Feeling numbness down my arm.
My hip hurts so bad I can barely pick my kid up.
SWEET! (Sarcasm intended)I am only 27 and am falling apart!
on a plus note it is a sunny day.

8 things about me

Alright Shari, I will bite!! But I am not tagging anyone. Everyone I could think of has already been tagged.

1. I am so in love with my best friend and love being his wife.

2. I thought parenting would be easier. HAH!!! But wouldn't trade it for the world.

3. My nickname from Phil is Bug.

4. My dad died when I was 5

5. I have never touched drugs or cigarettes.

6. I have a temper. My son has the same one!

7. I have been in a cop car. Twice. ( try to guess that one! Bet it's not what you're thinking)

8. I love to do laundry.

I bet I can go on!!

DANG!! I missed this yesterday

sorry, I was a little flustered!
and I am sure that she is going to kill me but......


HAPPY BIRTHDAY SUE!!!

Another Lesson from a Nursery Rhyme

The Wise Old Owl

A wise old owl sat in an oak.
The more he heard, the less he spoke;
The less he spoke, the more he heard.
Why aren't we all like that wise old bird?

Mother Goose

Wow...Stepped out of my comfort zone

Believe it or not I am a shy person. Those that know me well are laughing but also they know that at first I am pretty shy. This past Sunday I did something I thought I would never do. I prayed in front of the church!
Cooper got up that morning at 4:30 to feed. So I am sitting in the dark living room feeding my son and I wondered, who should I get to pray for offering today? Then I heard Him say it. "You do it" What? Was that me? No, it was God. No thank you I say. Not going to, too shy. Then ignoring what I was told I starting thinking about who to ask. Then I heard it again. "You do it. It is your turn." Then the argument started!!
"I can't do it!!"
"yes you can."
"Nope, nope I can't. I am too shy."
"try it"
"what do I say? How do I say it? What if I don't pray the 'right' way? What if I mess up?"
"ask Me for help and I will provide you with the strength you need."
"Fine I will try."
"That's my girl."(sounds lame, I am sure but that is what I heard. I can't forget it.)

So I finished feeding Cooper and put him back in the crib. Then I went on the computer. Sent out a prayer request. Tried to not tell many people about it cause I didn't want praise. I wasn't doing it for that. I was doing it cause God told me to.
I am not someone that will pray out loud in front of Phil or friends, let alone my church. I remember the ladies retreat I went on in 2005. My pastor, Susan, asked me to pray for breakfast. I immediately felt my face go red and said, me?? She looked at me and smiled and said yep, if you want to go to Costa Rica you need to learn. (Missions trip that I wanted to go on but never went cause we had a baby instead ;) ) So I prayed. Stumbled. Stuttered. I am sure I messed up but I did it. Said amen and it was followed by a loud amen from everyone else. Then that was it. I was done. No more.
HA!! So I thought!
Then I got the call. I went up on stage. Scared. Knowing that I had God's strength cause I was ever so week. I said, Good morning, let's pray. That is all I know. I even had to ask if I had remembered to say that. Yes I did. Amen. I didn't mess up. I was all clammy but I did it! Didn't mess up! I stepped so far out of my comfort zone that it wasn't even funny! But thankfully God had me in His hands while I stumbled outside of the zone I grew to know as safe.
I turned around to hand the mic back to our singer that day, Jill and I was looking around for her. Passed the mic off and was careful not to trip on the way off the stage. Just like I was when I got on the stage. Now that would have been embarrassing. I remember I kept thinking, what if I trip? But I didn't. So I went to leave the stage. I don't know, would you call it stage left?? I look behind the curtain and there is our Head Pastor Greg, standing there and he gave me the thumbs up sign. Made me smile.
I did it!! I stepped out of the comfort zone I like very much. I put all my trust and faith into God and I got through it! Now, I just need to focus on doing that in the rest of my life. I am trying. I will get there. Thankfully He is so patient. Stupid comfort zones!! I am glad I took the risk. It was worth taking for me.

awwww...he missed me

Cooper missed me!!
I went out last night. Although I only lasted through one movie. It was a 1/2 hour drive there and a 1/2 hour drive back so I didn't want to be too late. I left at 6 and got home at 10. So I was gone for a bit. It was hard. I kept looking at the clock.
One of the girls let me use her soaker bucket and some stuff for my feet. Man!! That stuff worked great! My feet still feel good. hehe Then we watched My Big Fat Greek Wedding. Then I left.
When I got home Phil filled me in. Cooper ate 7ozs. Fell asleep at the bottle. Held onto the bottle for a good half of the feed. Only burped once but still slept well. Went right to bed. I asked, did he miss me. He said that yeah he did. I asked, how could you tell. He said that they would be playing then Cooper would all of a sudden stop and look around with a confussed look on his face. Like he was looking for me. (awwww)
Then he got up at 4:30 this morning to feed. He ate for 20 minutes solid! Usually he only does 10 minutes if I am lucky. He would not take his hand off my face. Then he even slept in until 7!! Usually I would go in there and open the blinds then he would play in his crib for a while. I would sign up and put my hands out to him but he wouldn't want up. So I would wait for him to sign that he wants up.
Well, today I go in there and open the blinds. I look in the crib and say "Hiiii Cooper" and instantly he beamed and threw his hands in the air for up. I picked him up and he snuggled right into me. Awww....made me feel loved. Then this morning when he would lose sight of me he would fuss. He missed me, he really missed me.
It was a nice evening out. Worth it for all of us.

Check out Cooper and Grandpa on the Tractor

What a big boy!

I am sure that I am paranoid but...

First of all let me start by saying that I am not writing this for sympathy or for someone to try to fix it. I am writing it cause I need to get it off my chest and I am sometimes better at writing then I am at speaking. Writing doesn't show the tears.

I have been feeling so totally alone. In a crowd tonight looking around I realized that I was by myself in essence. That I couldn't relate to anyone. No one could relate to me. I looked around at the different groups of people and all of a sudden felt like I didn't fit into any of them.
I have my son. I have my husband. I have God. I have friends but still can't seem to shake the feeling of not belonging.
Just needed to get it out. May end up deleting this but for now, it will stay.

Five Years Ago Today....

I married the love of my life. My best friend.



Happy Anniversary Phil.
Thanks for making me the happiest person and for the love you give me day in and day out. I love you. You are a wonderful husband and father.
Here's to the rest of our lives together

Picture it if you will....

Eight am. Heading back from an appointment. The fog has rolled into the valley. The streets are busy with children going back to school. I decide to stop at Mill Lake and go for a walk with my son.
Get there. Realize I don't have the stroller. Oh well, have the snugglie. So I pull my son out of the car seat. And this is where it begins...
The light blue tougue snugs onto his little head and his legs kick like mad. The car is locked and we are off. I'm not wearing the right shoes. I don't have a jacket but my son does. Socks on his little hands. Blanket wrapped around his little body. The silence broken by the chattering of the little man just hanging from my chest. The "Good Morning's" from fellow walkers and joggers. The fog rolls around us. I look up and see the sun. Not bright. Just a big huge ball in the sky. The rays hidden by the thick cloud that thins as it reaches the Earth. Walking around the Lake I am talking to God. How beautiful is this. Gotta get home though.
Walking the whole time wishing that I had my camera, or at least my phone so I could take a picture of the mist rolling over the water. Almost finished the walk. Still wishing I had that camera.
Then I hear it. JUST STOP.
Can't, busy beating myself up about not having a camera to capture the moment.
Misty, Just stop. Just for a minute.
Fine I argue.
Now just sit back and read what I saw. No picture but hopefully the words can do the imagery some justice.
I stop. Reluctantly.
I step off the path into the area where I have bushes on either side of me. I stop. Put my hands on my hips and look across the water. That is when my mind clears and takes it all in.
The sun, the ball. The cluster of ducks off in the distance playing while the fog silently and effortlessly rolls their their feathers. The mist rolls and dances across the water. Tagging the lillies. Each swirl more unique then the last one. What was that? I look off to my right and there in the lillies was a blue heron. Just standing there. Looking at me. Then it lifts its delicate legs and walks out into the water further.
I thanked God. That this was all created by Him and that He created me to enjoy it.
Standing, hands by my side now, shoulders relaxing, calming myself. Thanking God. Feeling Him whisper as I stare out on the water. Feeling my son's steady breath against my chest. He is safe and warm and has fallen asleep. In the stillness, in the quiet He is there. Minutes pass by, reluctant to let go of the moment. Taking in the warmth of my son's breath once more, now with my arms wrapped around his little body a smile crosses my face. I am awestruck. I am amazed. I am loved.
A moment captured with the eye of my mind.
I hope that what I had said has given you all some sort of a glimpse into the stillness, the perfectness of the moment.
My morning walk with my son.

Poor Baby....

stupid teeth...(sorry so big, but they need to be so you can see the tooth)



Poor Cooper, His teeth are coming. As you can see from the pic they are buggin him. Bad mommy for taking a picture while he was so uncomfortable. (blushing)Saw a little blood today, must be getting through the surface.
Finally gave in and gave the poor little man some Tylenol. Cold soothers in the fridge, and a cold cloth help. Poor Cooper looks all dopey now.
My tooth is hurting too but it is a different one. I just feel WAY more sorry for him. I know how much this is hurting me and it is already above the surface. Not ripping and tearing the gums to emerge..

Look what Cooper can do!!

where did my baby go??
He is growing so fast!! I am just thankful that I get these times with him.

My husband is funny .......

I am now stranded at home.
Funny man!
I make his breakfast and lunch every morning. This morning his coworker has his car, thus has his keys. Therefore I did not put keys with his lunch. I had his wallet beside his lunch, his phone also. No keys BESIDE his lunch. Which is where they would normally be.
My keys were on the island opposite his lunch. On the main counter while his lunch and stuff was across the way beside the stove.
Habit I guess, he turned around and grabbed the keys on the island. I have Cooper all ready and I go to find me keys. Wait a minute, where are they? They were here this morning. Where did they go? On the off chance I phoned him and asked if he took my keys. He said no. I said are you sure? You better check. Then I hear, uh-oh....
"You have them don't you?" I asked.
"I'm sorry. Yes I do." He says.
So now I am stranded at home and he is trying to think of a way to get them to me. It is no big deal. It would be nice if I could go for a walk but you need a key to get back into the apartment building.
So, I undress my son from the outside clothes he was wearing. He is now playing on the blanket with his favorite bear. Could this be a sign that I am not supposed to go out today??
sigh....
silly husband